ghetto housewife

The Writing Quandary

2010-05-22T04:53:00.001-07:00

I am in a quandary about how to help my children learn to write.

I often read things that have been written by fellow Americans and I think gosh, they let this person out of high school? No, they let this person out of college. With an advanced degree. Ouch.

To be honest, I want to teach my children to write better than that. I am not necessarily concerned with all the formalities of our language- passive tense, comma usage, etc- but I do want my children to be able to communicate their thoughts clearly and effectively.

We have spent time studying the masters- like Charles Dickens and Shel Silverstein. And I would like to add Charlotte Bronte, James Fenimore Cooper, Mark Twain, and so forth to that list.

But this is where the quandary comes in... Americans don’t talk or write like that anymore. Seriously. Would Ben Franklin be published today? I doubt it. Certainly not Hermann Melville (and we can all breathe a sigh of relief about that). And should the children decide to go to college, they’ll need to be able to write like a modern American. Oh, does that mean texting? Nevermind.

I don’t know. Maybe I’ll buy a curriculum.

The Golden Compass, A Sour Book Review

2010-04-09T16:10:00.000-07:00

The controversy about this book should have been why the publishers gave the manuscript a second glance, and why, oh why? do so many people love it. It is imaginative. That is the only positive thing I can say about it. The problems are numerous, but I want to focus on just a few, and only addressing the first book of the series:

The 'Golden Compass' itself: This is a deux ex machina that saved the author from really having to think through intriguing resolutions. Don't know what to do? Let's look at my Magic 8-ball and I'll get the right answer. Good grief; could we have added a bit of tension to that particular plot line?

The subtle racism and sexism: I would guess that Philip Pullman deliberately chose a female main character to avoid the charge of sexism. She is, however, female in word only, and is very much portrayed as a tomboy. Great. I love tomboys. I was a tomboy. But... the only other major female character is a power-hungry sadist. All the rest are portrayed as cooks or nurses. We even have a scene where the women request to be taken along on the war expedition and the men say no, we don’t need you. And at the end... the power-hungry female is left crying over her lover while he marches on to his great destiny, promising to forget her if she doesn't come with him. Good grief, again.

I would also guess that Philip Pullman made the ‘gyptian’ people an integral part of the story to convince himself that he is not racist. However, while the ‘gyptian’ people are portrayed positively, all the other foreigners come with a tinge of inferiority. Asiatics, Tartars, Africs- nothing directly stated, just always implied.

And, finally, and most importantly, the utter lack of depth. To anything. The story is shallow. (Please? More alternate universe stuff? That was great and original... 50 years ago.) The characters are not gripping. The conversations are often painful to read. And the adventures? Yawn.

This is Motherhood

2010-03-04T05:40:00.000-08:00

Last Autumn, India and I worked on swinging. Feet in, body forward, ok... feet forward, body back... now.... ok, again... patience, patience, patience...

Progress, but not yet mastery.

Yesterday morning we walked to the playground, and she hopped on a swing and began pumping away, swinging smoothly into the air and quickly gaining altitude.

“Good job, India!” I shouted excitedly.

“I taught her that at Grandma’s house,” Malachi stated. You did not, I thought with self-righteous indignation.

“You did not!” India shouted with self-righteous indignation. “I figured it out by myself,” she ended triumphantly.

Germany vs. Homeschoolers

2010-02-13T10:39:00.000-08:00

Germany is arresting homeschoolers, and the European Union is encouraging them.

Germany states that its recent history of a splinter group taking over and persecuting minorities makes them uncomfortable with any group that deviates from the norm.

So they’ll just persecute the minorities (homeschoolers, in this case) before a splinter group has the chance.

But here’s something even more interesting: in defense of Germany’s actions, the European Council on Human Rights (or something like that) states that the purpose of school is to integrate individuals into society, and so homeschooling is wrong.

Oh, ok.

Wait... WHAT?

School is about social integration? I’m sorry, last I checked school was about education.

Well, it could be argued that social integration is a vital aspect of education.

Have these people never read Lord of the Flies? Or maybe they didn’t attend school themselves, and so are unclear about the exact nature of the ‘social integration’ that is learned in a typical school setting. But I don’t need to go down that road. America has a decent number of homeschool graduates at this point, and for the most part, they are integrating just fine into society. Oh, yea, sure- a few have embarrassed the rest of us by becoming doctors, lawyers, and politicians, but most of them are pretty ordinary, law-abiding, tax-paying citizens, who have Facebook accounts, listen to pop music, and even buy Disney products occasionally. They know about the theory of evolution and use birth control, too. In fact, I would guess that the public schools produce a much higher ratio of ‘social outcasts’ (whatever that means) and welfare dependents than homeschooling families do.

So, if the European Union is not interested in the facts of the situation, then what are they interested in? Could it be at all possible that ONCE AGAIN the White Western World is assuming that its ideology is superior to anyone else’s, and therefore anyone who deviates from that ideology (in this case, How Modern Schooling is the Best Choice for Educating Your Children) needs to be eradicated or at least reformed? Is it at all possible that hundreds of years of conquering and subjugating people that are different than they are is still the accepted norm, even though they try hard to deny it? Is it just part of human DNA that different = bad? And hey, I like Europe; I like Europeans; but you gotta admit they have a nasty addiction to tyranny & oppression.

I’m not usually ‘rah rah’ American, but in this case, I’m glad for that independent streak that made us sit up and say ‘We don’t need the European tyranny’. And I’m glad that we’re opening our doors and letting German homeschoolers into our country as political refugees. Hopefully, this is one area where we won’t follow Europe’s lead, but will continue standing up for the rights of individuals who have decided to live differently.

The Obligatory Yes-we’re-back-and-yes-we-had-a-great-time-and-yes-we’re-exhausted Blog Update

2010-02-11T16:11:00.000-08:00

Yup, we went to the tropics for two weeks in the midst of this miserable St. Louis winter. Yup, it was awesome. Paradise, to be exact. Sunshine everyday. Air conditioning only occasionally. Green, green, green. Except where it was blue (at the beach, mostly).

We stayed half the time in a little fishing village on the southern (Caribbean) coast of Puerto Rico. My favorite bit was walking everyday to the tiny supermercado to pick up a loaf of bread or a jar of peanut butter. We were also able to take some boat rides into the sea- one during the day to see the little islands that dot the horizon, and one at night to see the Bioluminescent Bay. Actually, now that I think about it, I think my favorite bit was the chickens roaming freely about the town. Everyone apparently has a bunch of chickens and nobody bothers to keep them cooped up (ha ha), and nobody also seems to mind the sound of roosters. In another small town we stayed near, peacocks lived on the roof of an abandoned house and would casually stroll across the road, stopping traffic on a whim.

I love not-quite-third-world countries.

A trip to Puerto Rico is not complete without driving in circles at least one time through a rambling small town that uses alleys for thoroughfares but has a brand new baseball stadium (at least they have their priorities straight). We never did manage to find the highway connection, so we took the extremely scenic view to the ocean, driving in circles through a couple more small towns on the way. Just for the fun of it.

Oh, wait, perhaps my favorite bit was passing by the smashingly blue, big, beautiful, Spanish-style house that had cows living in the front yard. I love these people.

The next few days we spent in the rainforest, near that town where the peacocks lived. The house we rented was rather disappointing (seriously, people, no oven!?) but the rainforest is always intriguing, and we found a pretty stream where the children could swim. They now thoroughly understand the saying about ‘swimming upstream’. It was hilarious to see them swim with all their might and get exactly nowhere. When they weren’t futilely trying to defeat the current they were futilely trying to catch the large fish that lived in the swimming hole. It was a stunningly beautiful location, in the middle of the rainforest, with enormous boulders and tall peaks surrounding us. The water was also FRIGID so David and I mostly sat on the boulders and watched our children enjoying the pleasures of a mountain stream.

AND despite the numerous twisty, turny, one lane with cars coming at us anyway, people walking on the shoulder and peacocks on the other side, sheer-drop-off type of roads I managed to never hyperventilate and only once had to ask David to turn around. Woo hoo for progress on managing my phobia!! (Praise God from whom all blessings flow...)

For the last portion of our vacation we moved again- to the heart of Old San Juan, an ancient city with lots of history and lots more parties. Seriously, again, people. I mean, I understand your need to party. But under MY window? At two a.m.? Singing songs and laughing hysterically? Don’t you know that my kids wake up at 6:30? The neighbors partied, and I had the hangover. David bought earplugs.

And then we walked and walked and walked. The kids definitely didn’t care for this portion of our journey, especially since we had swum every day, at least once a day, until transferring to Old San Juan. We toured a castle that is about 500 years old (San Cristobal), toured the governor’s mansion that also has parts that are 500 years old and is the oldest continuously-used executive mansion in the world (complete with dungeon), shopped and shopped some more, and ate at a bakery that was more than 100 years old. But the food was fresh and OH SO YUMMY. I wanted to see the house that was built for Ponce de Leon (guess what? It’s about 500 years old, too) but it was apparently being worked on (can’t imagine why).

Of course, we take the kids half-way across the hemisphere to this city dripping with antiquities and their favorite bit is feeding the pigeons in the park. Typical.

And my favorite bit- at least of Old San Juan? The colors. I love a culture that has no restraint in painting their buildings whatever color they feel like. Teal, pink, deep green, blue, red, orange and more orange. I never knew what color combinations might pop out in front of me when I turned a corner. Vibrant!

So, well, I have a lot more to say (not that I usually have a shortage of verbosity) but this is plenty to start with... and I will post pictures soon!

They Taught This in Schools

2010-01-21T05:22:00.000-08:00

I am reading an anthology of early science fiction- Asimov, Clark, and the guys that went before them, as far back as the 30’s and 40’s. While the stories themselves are alright, I have been horrified at the blatant and accepted racism that punctuates the works. Africans, along with all darker-skinned people, are portrayed as obviously less-evolved (evolution also plays a huge role in these early sci-fi stories)- oh, the casual statements are only made here and there, asides, nothing constant or overwhelming- but enough to get the picture across, very clearly.

Reading these have, firstly, been rather annoying (the plots now, 70 years later, are so cliched that it is laughable- though I recognize that these are the writers who pioneered the cliches and made them popular, and at the time they were wildly creative- still, how many times can I read about the superiority of future man and the oddness of Martian creatures?) anyway, it’s been rather annoying, but also sobering, because this is part of the history of racism:

First, under the ethics of Conquering Lesser People and Enslaving Them, some preachers claimed the Bible encouraged this behavior. The people listened, and didn’t bother to do the read the Bible themselves, or perhaps they would have noticed things like this: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah%2058:5-7&version=NIV - and so the conquering and enslaving continued.

Then, when science began to rule the day, some scientists taught that evolution was evidence that darker-skinned people weren’t quite human, and therefore it was perfectly acceptable to kill, rape and enslave. Of course, there was no scientific evidence that lighter-skinned people were more evolved, but nonetheless the people listened, didn’t bother to do the research themselves, and so killing, raping, and enslaving continued.

Then, of course, textbooks followed suit. The court case that brought evolution into the limelight was revolved around a science textbook (Civic Biology) that taught an evolutionary theory of humans, and the Christians went nuts. As far as I know, no one- on either side of the case- bothered to mention that the textbook taught an evolutionary theory of humans which included the ‘fact’ that dark-skinned people were lower on the evolutionary ladder. This is a book that had been popular in schools. Here’s a link to what it says about races: http://www.law.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/scopes/hunt196.htm

So the teachers started teaching the inferiority of darker-skinned people, and of course, the students didn’t do the research themselves, just listened to bad teaching, and so the killing, raping, and oppression continued.

They taught this in schools. They wrote about it in books. They portrayed it in movies. They preached it in pulpits. For several generations, up to our grandparents’ time. And we wonder why we still have race issues today.

The Road to Hell is Paved With My Good Intentions

2010-01-04T18:01:00.000-08:00

School this year has, in some ways, gone really well; and in other ways... eh. Mostly ‘eh’ because of what I felt to be lack of organization and schedule-keeping on my part. So my New Year’s resolution was to get my butt in gear, have clear goals, stick to a flexible schedule, yadda yadda yadda. Starting TODAY.

Then my kids reminded me that we had a dental appointment scheduled for today. Crap.

That was the beginning of our misery on this coldest day of the year (so far).

Around nine in the morning I bent over to shove the pans strewn across the floor back into our kitchen cabinet when I felt cold air blowing from our kitchen vent.

Uh-oh.

Yup, the annual crap-out of our furnace had occurred, and the house was down to 55 degrees (which amazingly didn’t feel that much colder than our usual 68). So I call David and he offers to come home right away- don’t worry about it, I respond. We’re going to spend the morning at the dentist and then do some shopping. You can fix it when you get home, says I, thinking we’re going to be nice and snugly warm in our dentist’s office. Oh yea.

We get to the dentist’s office around ten, and guess what? His front door decided it didn’t feel like closing anymore, so instead of a snugly warm office we sit and shiver, subjected to an even longer exposure to bad TV since the office PIPES HAD FROZEN and so our dentist was running around like a madman trying to fix it all rather than seeing patients. The dental people were all (understandably) cranky, and three hours later we trudge out of the dentist office (yes, with clean teeth and no bad news- one good thing at least in this day), scorfing down our crushed ham and turkey sandwiches and longingly dreaming of our frigid home. But first, Wal-mart.

My dear brothers and sisters, perhaps you have heard from well-meaning preachers that your souls are in danger of the fires of hell because of your sinful ways. Well, let me tell you the truth: repent, or spend eternity in Wal-mart.

Oh. my. gosh. I shop there because the only viable alternative is Target, and I’m too much of a snob to shop with all THOSE snobs, them and their trendy housewares and cutesy marketing. Give me the world-dominating, employee-mistreating, redneck-loving, overly crowded aisles of Wal-mart any day. Except today. Or tomorrow. Or... well, preferably never.

The good thing is that Wal-mart was the absolute low point of the day- though really, can it get much worse than that? We came home to an abode that was still hovering around 50; made coffee (!); David came home and quickly fixed the furnace, and despite the resurgence of my cold, I managed to whip together a yummy mushroom-leek soup with homemade rolls.

And tomorrow, SCHOOL!

Christmas Angst?

2009-12-16T13:46:00.000-08:00

Usually at this time of year I am bursting with resentment and rebellion against the entire culture of Christmas- the music, the decorations, and most especially the consumerism that defines the months of November and December in America.

This year I feel curiously detached.

Still, I feel it is my duty to complain, so I’m trying to work up some Christmas angst. I guess I’ll have to revert to my standby gripe: Why is it that a holiday that is supposedly meant to commemorate the birth of a man who was born, raised, and murdered in abject poverty, celebrated by spending billions of dollars, mostly on gifts exchanged between people who barely tolerate each other and don’t need anything anyway?

Of course, Christmas was never really about Christ (in case you didn’t know, he never even hinted that we are supposed to center a holiday around his birth); it was about the Church sanitizing the yule festivities that had been celebrated in honor of the winter equinox- which is, in my opinion, a wonderful thing to celebrate, considering that it marks the beginning of daytime lengthening once again. Oh, I can’t wait!

I’m not saying we shouldn’t commemorate Jesus’ birth. I just think that if we’re going to, we should do it in a way that honors his life, rather in a grumpy, harassed, gluttonous way. Maybe we should have a big dinner and invite only people who are too poor to reciprocate our invitation (didn’t Jesus actually tell us to do this on a regular basis anyway?). Maybe we should take the money we use for presents for people who already have so much stuff they have to rent PODS and give it support starving families (there are plenty to pick from). And maybe, instead of giving material gifts, we can forgive those relatives that drive us batty, we can say some kind words to our children/parents (oh, that’s a hard one!), we can go and clean our friends’ houses (hint hint)- basically, we can celebrate in ways that are meaningful, rather than simply contributing to this cultural mess of consumerism that has brought us nothing but unhappiness and stress for years.

Hmm. Still don’t feel much angst. Oh well. Maybe some egg nog will help...

justmorocco.com : Moroccan Imports and Customer Abuse Center

2009-11-25T18:29:00.000-08:00

Seriously people.

So, we ordered a sink (just the vessel, not the cabinet or faucet or anything- only the sink bowl) for our master bathroom from a website known as justmorocco.com. $160- not cheap, but not outrageous either. The estimated shipping cost was another $22- which also was not cheap, but not outrageous either. When I ‘checked out’ I expected the actual shipping cost to end up much higher (just had that gut-feeling) but no, the total was around $182. Confirmation page said $182. Confirmation email said $182. All’s well.

Until I get another email- sorry, that was the wrong shipping cost. Website didn’t know to add another $30 to the grand total.

I emailed back. My confirmation email said $182, and I asked them to honor that price.

They sell these sinks for $250, they said. That’s a fair price, and the shipping cost is actually $52. They were giving me a deal for the $160 + $52.

Whoa, we thought, what’s up with this? They advertised $160 and then gave me a shipping amount of $22. We thought they should stick with that, even if they felt they were getting ripped off- shouldn’t you think about that BEFORE you advertise a price? So, we said no, our confirmation email gave us a total of $182. They need to honor that.

That’s when the customer abuse kicked in.

She called me. The owner called me. And started spewing stuff at me. Like, she was just trying to do the right thing for these poor Moroccan families who aren’t being helped by their own government. Like, she was a small business and I didn’t understand shipping costs. She isn’t rich, she isn’t Target, you know. It’s just her and her husband and they live in this tiny house and... well, I gently- honestly, I was trying to be very calm- I gently explained that once you check-out, that’s it, rates can’t be raised. She retorted that it wasn’t confirmed until she okayed it herself...I politely asked where on the website it stated that, and she angrily accused me of harassing her. What?!? Whenever I tried to defend my position she would interrupt and continue spewing out reasons why the shipping cost had to be changed. She declared that we obviously couldn’t do business together (duh), so eventually I said fine, but I was going to have to let people know about this. You can imagine her reaction to that... I simply (still calmly, amazingly enough) said that I thought people should know how justmorocco does business. And she hung up on me.

Honestly, if she had apologized, explained nicely... I would have been happy to work out a compromise with her, or even paid the amended rate. But my conscience won’t allow me to let myself be abused.

At least at Home Depot I just get ignored. Not insulted.

Yes, another post in which I pick on the modern Western schooling establishment

2009-11-09T08:29:00.000-08:00

It’s my favorite thing to do.

Yesterday the kids spent the day at home with David, who is frantically trying to finish our master bathroom before the holidays. While he was available for emergencies and had them all help out at times, for the most part they were somewhat on their own during the afternoon & evening. They did fine.

But I’ve noticed a trend after days when he and I are around, yet not able to give the kids a lot of attention. The boys (who are older) cope beautifully. They can entertain themselves, keep out of trouble, so on and so on. The girls, however, have major flashes of insecurity over the next several days. They are whinier and more demanding, pick on each other, talk back to me... and I’ve finally come to the conclusion that the one day of minimized attention has depleted their emotional reservoir, and they need it built back up by the normal routine of their parents (specifically, their mother) being more attentive to their behavior.

Now don’t get me wrong (for those of you who don’t know me)... I do not IN ANY WAY let my children hang on me all day (shudder). I’m not talking here about allowing my girls to demand constant attention for every little moment of their life. But I recognize that they have a level of emotional need that simply can’t be met without someone who is at least available for them on a very consistent basis. Even if it is only to shoo them away :)

So all this makes me wonder... what happens to girls like this in a modern classroom setting, where there are but a few adults for a multitude of children? How can they possibly be getting their emotional needs met in this kind of situation? Especially considering that many times when they go home, they then have homework or sports, so the time when they might be getting attention from their parents is further restricted.

A lot has been said and written about how modern schooling affects boys, but it is typically assumed that girls fare better in this same situation. I think this is a real misconception- for while girls may have the appearance of doing better- being able to control themselves better, getting better test scores, needing less chemical restraints, etc- I think there is a subtle damage being inflicted upon our girls that is evidencing itself through addictions, obesity, depression, troubled relationships and a scad of other woes related to our emotional instability.

Surreptitious Vegetarianism

2009-11-03T16:41:00.000-08:00

Yup, we are taking the plunge. Well, more like stepping into the 2” kiddie pool section that gradually slopes into infinity.

For years, David and I have been wanting to decrease our beef/pork intake and have a more vegetarian diet. I do love animals, and I love eating them (even our foray into poultry raising hasn’t changed my opinion of chicken- yummy. Now I just think- yummy, and dumb. And poops a lot). So our interest is less to do with concern for animal welfare* and more to do with health.

We mentioned the idea to the kids awhile back and their instant response was dismay and denial. So we dropped the discussion and I simply changed the menu. Thus far, they haven’t noticed the change. It probably helps that the money I usually spend on meat was channeled into healthy and fun snacks. Their astonishment at my unusual snack-generosity has distracted them from the missing element of all our recent dinners. I am not trying to deceive them, I am simply amused at how long it will take any of them to notice. By that time, it will be too late.

We will continue having poultry occasionally, as well as eating meat when we go out or visit people for dinner. (Please let us know if you plan to serve steak. We will be right over.) And I don’t intend to transfer our meat-dependence to carbohydrate-dependence: the plan is to actually eat a lot more vegetables. Hopefully, in the long run,we’ll lose some weight, improve our digestions, and torment the children. Ah, the small joys of parenthood...

* I actually am very concerned with the mechanized slaughter and poor health conditions that produce most of our meat. I do not believe it is right that we raise animals in such way- a righteous man cares for the needs of his animal (Proverbs 12:10). However, honestly, my family’s health is simply a greater concern.

To those Drivers on the Road Last Night

2009-09-29T04:59:00.000-07:00

I’m writing you a message to remind you of some of the basic rules of driving, which obviously, you’ve forgotten:

1. Passing: It’s a difficult and complicated routine. I’ll walk you through it, step by step. First, turn on your blinker. Your left blinker. This should be done sometime well before the point at which you are riding my bumper, and you should slow down enough that you are NOT riding my bumper. Now, once you check to see that the LEFT (not RIGHT) lane is clear, you gently move into the LEFT (not RIGHT) lane, gradually pass me, turn on your RIGHT blinker, then move back into the lane in front of me- making sure that there are SEVERAL car lengths between us. You never, never, ZIP AROUND ME AS FAST AS YOU CAN IN THE RIGHT LANE AND THEN BARELY SQUEEZE IN BETWEEN ME AND THE CAR THAT IS IN FRONT OF ME.

2. Exit ramps: Another difficult concept. Exit ramps are used when you are leaving the highway. Therefore, you move into them as you are about to leave the highway, and YOU SLOW DOWN. That’s right, there is a speed limit posted on the exit ramp. YOU NEVER, NEVER, GO 70 MILES AN HOUR ON AN EXIT RAMP. That is illegal.

3. Speaking of illegal, the posted speed limit is exactly that. A limit. Not the minimum, but rather, the maximum. Do you understand those large words? If I am going the speed limit, I am not going ‘too slow’. I am going just the right speed; in fact, if I go any faster, I would be breaking the law. Did you know that?

4. And speaking of laws, the pedestrian always has the right-of-way. No matter how much you honk, I will not run over the pedestrian that is crossing the street. That would also be illegal.

Thank you for taking my brief driving course, and if you forget these simple rules and once again endanger the lives of my family, I’m going to follow you home and beat you to death with a Missouri Drivers’ Guide.

Letter I wrote to Mother Earth News

2009-09-01T04:49:00.000-07:00

On the topic of population control

Population control is indeed a quick, easy fix to our planet’s problems- and quick, easy fixes are hardly ever the best. Let’s think about the facts. In the last hundred years, both Chinese and Americans have severely decreased the size of the their families; in those same hundred years, both Chinese and Americans have exponentially increased the amount they consume and pollute. Raising one or less children is not the answer. Raising responsible children is. One king can consume more than one thousand of his subjects. What population control may do, in the long run, is leave the earth with one million selfish, wasteful, lazy inhabitants who bring more destruction than the 6.7 billion of us did- simply because there are so few of them, and they think their actions won’t matter. Let us learn to live responsibly, to respect the resources and beauty around us, to respect our neighbors, and respect ourselves. This is a truly ‘sustainable’ lifestyle.

And more thoughts that I did not include in the letter for brevity's sake, but which you must put up with because a blog is about someone running their mouth off anyway:

My mother grew up in a family of twenty, on a small farm in Puerto Rico. Their carbon footprint was pretty much nil. What they didn't grow or trade for, they didn't use or eat. They consumed less & polluted less than the modern suburban family of 3. It's just so easy to shout at other people 'You're the problem! Limit your family size! Reduce your usage!' without making changes in your own life. Is population control really about what's best for us as human beings and what's best for the creation, or is population control about wanting to regulate other people so we can have the freedom to do whatever the hell we want and not worry about the consequences? Considering the ingrained attitudes of most Americans (even 'green' Americans) that we 'deserve' this or that and we 'need' this or that, I believe the whole debate is more about protecting their own lifestyle rather than really loving other humans and loving the planet.

And I won't even begin to discuss the inherent racism and elitism that is the unspoken backbone of any kind of population control discussion....

The Sheik, a review of the original ‘romance’ novel from 1919

2009-08-30T18:21:00.000-07:00

Oh, my dear God. I could go on for hours. I will try keep it short. Personally? I think the author hated thin, strong-willed women, and she wrote an entire novel to prove that beautiful, independent women really should subjugate themselves to strong, violent men. And I am certainly not a feminist- though after reading this, I may have to rethink that.

The plot of the book is simple. Powerful man (the Sheik) sees beautiful, independent (and dumb) woman, powerful man kidnaps said dumb woman, powerful man repeatedly rapes said dumb woman with the intent of ‘breaking’ her and then casting her away, powerful man and dumb woman somehow fall in love. Romance? Shudder. Well-written? At some points- but mostly, ick. The reasoning given for the Sheik’s behavior is weak- his Spanish mother was somehow mistreated by her English husband. Sniffle. Let’s go rape a woman to make him feel better.

I am very anti book-censoring, but if I ever feel like burning a book, I will find a thousand copies of this book and build a huge bonfire.

But... reading this book did make me think. About why a woman would like this kind of story, and find it romantic. About how this story has impacted women through the decades, and how it has affected the romance market of today. I see traces of this idea through many novels (hmmm, can we say Twilight?) that are geared towards girls and women: the concept that somehow, a man who loves you will dominate your life and hurt you but hey, that’s ok, because it’s romantic. How many women have stayed in abusive relationships simply because they think somehow their tormentor will eventually reform and fall in love with them? How many girls have sought out the dangerous man and been terribly hurt because they believed that to be more 'romantic'?

I also have been comparing it to earlier romances, like the Bronte sister’s and Austen’s novels. The heroines, while in some ways following the traditional path of education and marriage that was acceptable for their time period, also exhibit strong characters and refuse to be mistreated. I simply can’t imagine Elizabeth Bennett meekly apologizing to a man who shot her horse out from under her, as happened in the Sheik. So it makes me wonder what happened in the hundred years between Austen and the Sheik, and then in the hundred years since the Sheik... is this progress? I'm sorry, I'll take Jane Eyre any day over this misogynist cesspool. And the biggest insult is that all this 'romance' is written by women, for women, and of women.

Ugh. I’m still shivering in horror.

a lovely day of memories; or, why I love my neighborhood, and sometimes even my children

2009-08-25T09:59:00.000-07:00

This is the kind of day I hope to look back on when my kids are grown and I need good memories of their childhood.

First I would have to skip the early morning, since it was miserable. So let’s pretend the day started at 10 a.m., when we walked to the garden... and even though it is August in St. Louis, the breeze was almost too cool for my t-shirt and shorts.

One of our eccentric neighbors was out watering his pretty corner garden. We chatted and he invited me to speak at his garden club. Everyone is suitably impressed with how wonderful our community garden looks and wrongfully attributes that success to my gardening skills. Hah. It is the mercy of God, people, the mercy of God. I am an infamous (I love that word) plant murderer.

But I digress. How lovely to speak with an eccentric neighbor on a beautiful summer morning! We walked on to the garden, where a pleasant young Hindu man requested permission to take pictures for his Wash U architecture class. Of course I encouraged him; it all felt slightly surreal.

The children then helped me harvest tomatoes and watermelon and zucchini and hot peppers- Malachi commented that it was one of the best days we’ve had at the garden. We left burdened with one of Stuart’s watermelons and a couple pounds of extra tomatoes to gift to the rehab house located on our block. Carrying a watermelon 5 blocks is always quite an experience! On the way home we noticed several more neighbors leaving the cafe that is preparing to open in a few days. We ascertained they were giving out free samples; how could we resist? More neighbors walked in to help with some work and the children and I all drank our respective lattes and java chip fraps (yum; this is a deliberate plug for the Urban Studio Cafe) and more chatting with neighbors followed. We plan to go back and help them clean up tonight if necessary.

Fresh watermelon, interesting neighbors, free samples... yes, a morning to remember!

the guilt of a (homeschooling) mother....

2009-08-12T10:10:00.000-07:00

David says I need to update. And, as a good wife, I will of course obey my husband (snicker).

I am nervous about starting school this year. I think a lot of things play into my nervousness: all 4 (four!) of the kids will technically be of school-age, so there will be a lot of attention-juggling. I will be using a couple different curriculums than I’ve used in the past, so that’s another stress, and we are SO SO busy- yet another stress.

But mostly I think my nervousness is due to that perpetual feeling of inadequacy that seems to dominate my role as mother/teacher. Objectively, I know that my kids are smart (or at least smart-asses), they are maturing well, they are learning, they have friends, blah blah blah. But emotionally I face continual questions: Are we doing enough? Am I too easy on them? Too hard? Too bitchy? Am I spoiling them? (yes; they think Grandma making them put ice in their warm sodas is pure abuse).

Each year I strive for change, and each year I feel like I end up in the same pattern of disorganization and laziness- I don’t give the kids enough review work. I don’t test them enough (ok, I don’t test them at all). They complain too much about their assignments. I don’t follow through on things. School is boring, when it could be so much more interesting. I should just unschool. Heck, I should enroll them all in a 'real' school. A boarding school, that is, in Switzerland, where they don’t take crap off nobody.

I find in situations like this that the best thing to do is move forward, plan in one hand and credit card in the other, buy what I need to buy, plan what I need to plan, and remember to roll with the punches rather than trying to perfectly anticipate every trial the year will bring. Most of my problems come from being too uptight and needing too much control. The children will learn & grow; I’ll survive; we’ll have good days and bad days; and another year will pass.

And on days where I have no hope at all... I’ll brew another pot of coffee and cancel school in favor of a good book. Hmmm... makes me wish for a lot of bad days....

A long and rambling post about our youth group's trip to NYC

2009-07-22T18:46:00.000-07:00

First, I would be remiss if I didn’t start this off by saying that Grace and Peace has the BEST YOUTH GROUP EVER! Those kids just thoroughly impressed me- I’ve never been with a group of teens like this: they didn’t complain, they cooperated with whatever we asked them to do, worked hard, and they threw themselves into enjoying our trip. Wow!

So then... NYC. Yes, we drove. Yes, it’s a long trip. We talked, we sang, we played goofy roadtrip games, and we slept (a lot). Not to mention all the potty stops (can someone please invent a steel-bladder insert for long drives?).

Speaking of stops, Carrie Swarthout is the official ‘Starbucks spotter’ of the century. Thank you, Carrie. You are my hero!

And the 6 days we spent in New York... I think highlights are more appropriate than a blow-by-blow account.

-We helped our friends, Michael and Roseann Kytka, run a Vacation Bible School at their church in Queens. Mostly neighborhood kids, mostly bilingual, lots of Asians. All the kids just lapped up the attention that our group and the other VBS helpers deluged upon them. They were so cute!

-And speaking of cute, one of my 3-year-old students only spoke Japanese. It was fun trying to communicate with her and see her eagerness to learn and participate despite that sturdy language barrier. Her mom was just like all those sweet, female anime personalties that you think really don’t exist: eager to serve, always positive & cheerful- I’ll miss her! She thought I had moved to NYC and was disappointed when she found out I was leaving.

-The best, best BEST part of the city (in my humble opinion) is Chinatown. Oh my, what fun. What great food. What cheap Chinese souvenirs. Yes, we bought swords, dresses, scarves, bags, whatever else we could get our hands on. I told the kids that of course, it’s all just made in China.... so if I could move anywhere in NYC, I would pick Chinatown.

-The next best part of the city is the Guggenheim. A museum in which you cannot get lost; it is built in a spiral form, so you just keep walking up, darting off into small ante-rooms that are loaded with exceptional artwork. I bought a t-shirt for me and Malachi, who also fell in love with the place.

-I saw Michaelangelo’s first painting (at the Met). Creepy and excellent. Demons tormenting St. Anthony. Also a bunch of Bacon’s work, also creepy and excellent.

-Riding the subway is another thrilling experience (yes, I’m easily thrilled). Seriously, it’s a blast for a girl from a ‘big city’ that has no decent public transportation. We actually had a mariachi band follow us on to the train one day and begin to play, walking through the cars and collecting cash. SO COOL!

-Mac Store is as cool in person as it is in pictures. No, we didn’t go inside: the crowds were deadly. Plus, I knew we would never be able to drag the kids out. Better to window shop there and then do the actual buying here.

-David wants to move into the Met and the public library. I just want to see MoMA and Starry Night.

-We skipped Starbuck’s in Times Square to go to Juan Valdez’s Cafe in Times Square. It was good.

-5th Avenue and Times Square? Overstimulating. Neat to see, but... just not my thing. Carissa and I ate breakfast at Tiffany’s.... well, we ate granola bars outside the doors. Is that close enough?

-Coolest thing in Times Square? NYC shut down a street and people bring their lawn chairs to watch the crowds and just relax, while everything around them moves in technicolor top speed. What an odd juxtaposition!

-Only really bad experience: Katz Deli, in Soho. Good food, overpriced ($16 for an ordinary-sized Reuben? WTF?) and then the manager tried to rip us off even more. Long story; I cried, we prayed, we managed to get out for only $250 rather than the $450 she was going to charge us for 14 freaking sandwiches, a few pickles, and 10 knishes. We drank water, btw.

-The Artwork! The Architecture! Everywhere! Not quite like Chicago, but pretty impressive nonetheless. Even the graffiti is good (unlike St. Louis).

-New Yorkers are a sad bunch of people, chasing money, exhausted, commercialized, over-sexed and under-joyed. They all seem to despise their great city while also loving it. The large exception to this are the abundant immigrants, who were friendly and apparently happy. The people we talked to pretty consistently said that NYC is a huge step up from their previous country. Ouch.

-Ok, I have an embarrassing admission: I appreciated getting back to the Midwest. The rural folk we stayed with in Indiana were the first people I had met all week who were into natural living- composting, fresh food, healthy meat, etc. Again, the New Yorkers are just way too busy to be concerned with those small details. New York, at least on the surface, struck me as the bastion of Mainstream American Culture. Ugh.

I’m glad I finally got to see this great City. It was a wonderful experience and I hope one day to go back. But honestly... it isn’t even close to my favorite place in the world. However, I really did feel that we brought a little bit of light and joy into a place that is filled with darkness and depression, and that, more than anything else, made it a worthwhile adventure.

Another unschooling victory

2009-06-26T09:33:00.000-07:00

I was feeling disappointed this morning that my children don't share my exuberance for gardening. People ask, "Do the children help you with the garden?" and I have to be like... well... yes, but often reluctantly, and usually for only a short period of time. But I quickly came to my own defense in this mental conversation I was having: we garden a lot. I just can't expect my children to jump up and down with enthusiasm when I'm asking them to pull weeds in 98 degree weather. In fact, I can't expect them to jump at all, when it's an exertion just to breathe.

And... the reality is, my kids also now know a lot about raising their own food. We have had very little formal instruction time, but simply being at the garden, helping the other gardeners (always much more interesting than helping mom), watching other gardeners, and just experiencing the daily life of a garden has taught them more than I could ever do from a textbook or even an enriched classroom environment. They have seen the process of transforming sad-looking soil into lushly growing, healthy, yummy food. Perhaps they couldn't pass a written test (especially if perfect spelling were required) but I am confident that any one of them would be able to create their own garden and help others do the same. And, well, they have: Stuart has a watermelon patch in one of the community beds, Anastasia has a 'secret' (weed) garden here at home, plus numerous cacti.

Learning by doing... it's the way to go!

What we can learn from the gay marriage movement

2009-06-20T13:00:00.000-07:00

This is pride month, and in St. Louis, gay couples are celebrating by getting married. No, gay marriage is not governmentally recognized in MO: these couples are simply finding a religious official who supports them, and they have a ceremony. Easy as that. I don't know their hearts; I don't know how long they'll stay together, or if it's going to matter in their relationship if they do or do not have a document with a legal seal on it, but it seems to me a much better way to approach the whole issue than throwing hysterical, politically-charged fits about it. There is this sense that emanates from a good portion of the homosexual community that what they are seeking is everyone else's 'approval'- that somehow they have to legitimize their lifestyle through the acceptance of the rest of the world. Anything less than that is somehow hatred- even though I treat my queer friends just like I do everybody else, the fact that I may have a difference of opinion somehow makes me homophobic. So it is good to see people simply living their life as they believe is their right, without demanding the 'approval' of the majority of the voting community.

How does this apply to the Christian community? Really, I believe we are often the same: throwing politically-charged, hysterical fits to be 'accepted', 'approved', 'normal'. Anything less is somehow hatred. If people treat us in the same crappy way they treat everybody else, but they choose not to wish us Merry Christmas, suddenly that means we are hated and the target of persecution (try living in North Korea and THEN let's talk about Christian persecution....) But American Christians seem determined to politically demand acceptance and approval by the culture. The irony of this... much more so than in the homosexual community... is that PEOPLE, WE FOLLOW A MAN WHO TOLD US WE WOULD BE HATED! Sorry for shouting, but come on! What did you think you signed up for, a trip to Disney World? Yes, even though we give away more money than the rest of the population combined, yes, even though we run orphanages, build hospitals, feed the hungry, shelter the homeless, champion the imprisoned, and are basically just nice people across the world, we are HATED. Why? Well, duh, people in general try to hide the fact that they are inherently lying, greedy scumbags, and as soon as a Christian walks in the room, boom, the game is up. Hate is an obvious consequence of convicting the world of its sin. So what should we do? Demand that our country 'return to being a Christian nation' so we can feel nice and comfy and never offended, or continue to live our lives as we know is right, doing what we know is right, and accept the consequences of our lifestyle?

Sick Day

2009-06-11T08:36:00.000-07:00

An official sick day for mommy here at the Holden House. Not that it makes a huge amount of difference; I basically have to do the same stuff I do everyday, I just have an excuse to moan a bit more, and sit at the computer instead of doing more housework (like cleaning the gross bathrooms). The kids are cranky that their friends didn't get to come over because I'm sick- since, of course, it's my fault that I had to BBQ last night and sit next to a smoker at Stuart's baseball game and thus developed a severely sore throat- and also overly excited because of the week's activities. But they're not handling it too badly and have kept themselves somewhat occupied and have also refrained from major skirmishes with one another.

Sick days always remind me that my worth does not arise from my productivity. I love to LIVE life; to be involved and busy and full of fire. But that is in some ways diametrically opposed to Jesus' teaching that 'he who wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.' Good thing to remember on days like this!

selfishness

2009-06-05T18:22:00.001-07:00

Selfishness seems to have become hip at our household lately. It has slowly been building over the last several weeks... more focus on 'getting what we want', leading to more complaining, more whining, and finally a LOT more squabbling. I've done scads of threatening and punishment to little avail- I think because overall, the children have a difficult time understanding the subtle wrongness of selfishness. It's not like slapping someone or stealing their money. It's not breaking a direct order from mommy or daddy ('don't be selfish' is a bit too nebulous for elementary-aged children). And while they perfectly understand the concepts of loving your neighbor and treating others like you want to be treated, let's face it- getting our own way just seems much easier and certainly much more fun.

I've cancelled treats, taking away privileges, kept track of misbehavior and things have certainly improved. There seems to be more of an awareness of the issue. But still, it has been rearing its ugly head much too often. "No, you can't have that toy, I might play with it someday." "I'm going to keep singing this song just BECAUSE it annoys you- no other reason necessary!" "I'm not going to be happy with any meal except one that I choose myself, and it has to be something nobody else in the family likes!"

You get the point.

So today, finally, finally, there seemed to be a bit of a breakthrough- an epiphany moment, when the light bulb flashed above the heads and they realized the full hideousness of selfishness. Suddenly the reason for all my anger and punishment broke through the thick skulls of my stubborn children- because they were, collectively, on the receiving end of someone else's selfishness. A seemingly minor selfishness, but nonetheless terribly painful for all involved. My children asked me 'why? Why would someone do something like this to us?' and I could answer, 'Selfishness, nothing more and nothing less. Simply because this person wants what they want, nevermind if the cost is everyone else's feelings.' This person's actions weren't the terrible sins that we tend to gasp over. There was no rape, robbery or murder. Just simple selfishness, but that was enough.

Will this mean the end of squabbling and complaining? I could hope so, but I know better than that! Will things improve? I think so.

Expounding more upon the previous post

2009-05-17T16:42:00.000-07:00

With the new responsibilities of this new position of mine (community garden coordinator) I have faced a whole slew of new insecurities. I would have said- and have said- that I posses a plethora of self-confidence and have conquered my fears of failure. So I was completely unprepared for the onslaught of anxiety that has overtaken me the last few months.

What all these fears- will seeds germinate? Why aren't they germinating? Now they've germinated- why aren't they growing faster? Oh no, bugs. What do I do? and so on- what they all boil down to is, as I said in my last post, I am not the one in control. In other areas of my life I can at least pretend to control things. I can 'do my best'. I can learn. I can BS my way out of a paper bag. But this project produces tangible evidence of my abilities (or lack thereof) and is VERY much dependent on numerous factors that are simply out of my control.

So what can I do? I can fall back on the faithful excuse that so many other Christians have used throughout the ages... if it doesn't work out, it's all God's fault, anyway. No, seriously, I just repeat this to myself every day: One man plants and another waters, but it is God who causes the growth. With this realization my fears fall away... as do my pride and my self-glorification.

And, in case you were wondering, the American Botanist Society has taken me off their list of 'Most-Wanted Plant Murderers'.

Sadness

2009-05-12T18:09:00.000-07:00

The garden had some tragedies. First were the cucumber beetles, which destroyed my hard-earned zucchini seedlings. I tried two different plant-based sprays to no avail, and am purchasing something stronger (yet still organic) for the next batch of squash seeds I hope to get in the ground on Thursday.

Then the birds hit. Half of my tomato seedlings are gone without a trace, a stick and a pot the silent testimonies that Once, A Plant Was Here. Most of the hot peppers seedling ended up as food for the 'birds of the air'. Grrr. A scarecrow now stands in the garden; will he keep the birds away? I don't know yet.

Amidst these tragedies, I know that there are many more victories than losses. Romaine and mustard greens are thriving, turnips and cilantro, basil and mint... and I have more tomato plants, more pepper plants, and always more seeds. But why is it my thoughts are more discouraged than encouraged? Why does one negative outweigh all the positives? Or perhaps the rude reminder that this is all out of my control, that all my hard work and great methods are really insignificant- gardening, like so much of life, is a matter of patience and faith.

Only on a Monday

2009-05-11T06:25:00.000-07:00

Stuart was innocently brushing his teeth. Malachi, who was making up interesting lyrics for the Sound of Music song "Do, a Deer, ray, a spot of golden sun, etc.", and I were putting away laundry. India stood at the bathroom door, complaining that she needed to use the potty.

I should have been a wise mother and instructed her to go downstairs to the other potty.

Instead, Stuart was a kind older brother, and stepped out of the bathroom, toothbrush and toothpaste in hand. Brush, brush, brush. Malachi keeps singing, I keep folding laundry. Finally, Stuart mumbles through a mouth full of toothpaste: 'India, I need to spit. Are you done?'

'No, I'm going number 2.'

We collectively groan: 'Why didn't you go downstairs!?' Malachi keeps singing. Stuart is getting desperate, and I send him downstairs to spit. At this point, Malachi starts singing, '2, a 2, a number 2' . I should have been a good mother and told him in no uncertain terms that we do not sing about excrement in this house, but I was laughing too hard to say much of anything. India hears the commotion and yells from the pot: 'Stop joking! This is serious!' which of course sends me into gales of more laughter. Malachi can't think of any more words for his song, so he just keeps repeating: '2, a 2, a number 2', and poor Stuart treks upstairs from spitting and rinsing.

Moral of the story: Oftentimes, doing the right thing (like sharing the bathroom with your little sister) leads to insanity and more work.

2009-05-06T17:06:00.000-07:00

I really should be washing dishes...

2009-05-06T16:56:00.000-07:00

.... but the housework won't go anywhere, and David took the kids shopping so I can get some rest (but really, I just got a bunch of paperwork done, which was very necessary, and comparatively restful... yea...)

We are running this weird fever, which seems to be hitting one family member at a time for about 2 hrs, leaving us exhausted, headachey, and then much better within a short period of time. WTF? Whatever. It's a good excuse to stay home tonight and get that desperately needed 'rest'. Despite the appeal of pioneer life- that rugged individualism, that self-sufficiency, that organic, healthy, macho life-style- I like not having to continually labor just to make it through to the next day. Yes, I complain about the industrial revolution, but I must admit that it's pretty freaking awesome to be able to read Japanese comics from across the world, translated, the same day they are released.

I have no idea where this post is going. My fever must be affecting my brain processes. Well, anyway, I have been able to get a few paintings done lately, and my Facebook buddies have been very supportive and encouraging so I actually feel motivated to do some more. But first, I have to clean off the table so I have space, and before I clear off the table I have to do the dishes... back to where I started...

American Individualism?

2009-04-30T10:35:00.000-07:00

As I experience different areas of the world and of my own city, I am often struck by one similarity that seems to cross every culture except America (and perhaps Western Europe): the ubiquitous mobs of family groups.

Puerto Ricans, Middle-Easterners, South St. Louis Bosnians- they travel in age-defying herds. Sometimes segregated by sex, sometimes not. To me, it's a wonderful thing to see all the generations loudly and openly interacting- the parents not acting like the children are a burden, the teens not acting like they're too cool, the grandparents shuffling along and realizing they're the most important person around (and the rest of the group acknowledging that reality).

I really don't want to rant about how, despite our frequent shouts about emphasizing the family, we continually deconstruct the family through almost every institution we have- the very fact that we have to 'emphasize family' shows that we don't, indeed, emphasize family- but I just want to know how we got here? These other cultures are our heritage; we were melted together from the hispanics, the Africans, the eastern and western Europeans, the Asians- and all these cultures, for the most part, still expect to see children with parents, grandparents with children, aunts and uncles with everyone else. When did we lose that? Was it the industrial revolution (my personal scapegoat for most of America's ills)? Was it the very act of crossing the ocean, then crossing the prairie, that demanded rugged individualism and a split from the security of family?

There are some good things about us being this way... the boldness to make decisions, despite what our family and friends think, for one. But I believe we lose a lot when we further separate ourselves into generations, as well as ethnicity and economic station. It's just one more barrier that we build between ourselves and the people around us- which in this case, are our past and our future.

Afternoon, fading rapidly into evening

2009-04-22T14:47:00.000-07:00

Listening to the Psychedelic Furs and frying up quesadillas for dinner. I've been cranky today; I'm not sure if it's a result of my too-high expectations for the day, or if the children really have been awful. Or both. And I shouldn't say awful- it's rare for my kids to be horribly misbehaved for long periods of time. Demanding? Yes. Quibbling? Disobedient? Lazy? Yes, yes, yes, and thus my crankiness. And tonight our prayer group meets at our house, so we have to at least pretend to clean, and not-just-pretend to clean out the 'gagsome' (Malachi's adjective) chicken coop. (Oh, I can't wait until those fowls are outside!) Anyway, we won't get much praying done if we're passing out from the overpowering smell of three half-grown chickens. Lord knows we all need prayer, too. I could use an entire prayer group devoted just to myself, in full-time supplication that I keep my mouth shut, stop judging everyone, start cleaning my house, stop worrying about money... so cleaning the chicken coop it is. Thankfully, God's ears are open despite the stench. It is only our own shortcomings that necessitate the removal of all distractions so we can take a few moments of our lives and concentrate on something outside of ourselves. And chickens are a serious distraction... BAWK! B-GAWK!

Something Deep

2009-04-21T18:44:00.000-07:00

I feel like I should post about something deep. But nothing is coming to mind (my hair is deep blue now; does that count?) David at this point will throw in a bawdy comment, but I'll ignore that.

The kids and I are on a two-week school break and I am trying to get everything done that I've neglected for the two previous months but instead am just digging myself in deeper (there, something deep is mentioned again!) to the black-hole known as my 'to-do' list.

That could be something deep to talk about... why Americans are so caught up in productivity, getting things done, racing from place to place as quickly as possible so they can have more, do more, be more, probably from an innate desire to find meaning in life when they really believe themselves to be nothing more than random acts of chance... while merely perpetuating the cycle of meaninglessness and producing some decent cups of coffee (there's something to be said for that, now that I think about it.) But I just don't feel much like analyzing and criticizing tonight, so I'll ignore that train of thought. Besides, it would be hypocritical of me, considering how many years I've worshiped the gods of productivity and efficiency. How much time I've wasted, accomplishing rather than enjoying! Rushing instead of appreciating! Blogging instead of cleaning!

So... nothing deep tonight. I look forward to starting school again next week. I miss it.

Everything my kids know, they learned from the Far Side

2009-04-19T04:02:00.000-07:00

Stuart impressed an adult yesterday. This dad at a birthday party, while the cake was being prepared, yelled out 'Let them eat cake!'. Stuart started laughing hysterically and said, 'That's mean!' He and Malachi then went on to call for a guillotine. The dad was flabbergasted that Stuart had caught the reference, and thoroughly impressed at how smart all those homeschooled kids are (though he didn't state that directly, I just know that's how he feels ;) I, of course, kept my mouth shut, since I knew that Stuart's awareness of the French revolution has nothing to do with intense and demanding history courses for elementary-aged kids and everything to do with his passion for the Far Side.

You've maybe seen it... Gary Larson's typical chubby, pointy-headed woman being led to the guillotine, surrounded by an angry mob, and she's yelling out: 'I said let them eat cake and ICE cream!' Stuart read this and was like, huh? Mom, what in the world is this talking about? So we had a nice little discussion about the grisly period of time known as the Terror, and being an adolescent boy, he was all over it. '50 people a day!? Oh, wow, can I build a guillotine?' Yea. If you've had an adolescent boy, you understand. They just love gore. The end result? Stuart now understands subtle party references to Marie Antoinette.

Of course, I'm going to let everyone keep assuming that it's my adept teaching style that causes my children to be so smart, while amassing large quantities of Far Side, Calvin and Hobbs, Non Sequitur.... who knows, maybe I'll even start my own homeschool curriculum, based entirely off comics!

The Pitter-patter of little carbon footprints

2009-04-06T04:25:00.000-07:00

Because of our interest in, ahem, 'unique' organizations we receive literature/updates from a wide variety of fringe groups that are scattered across the various points of the political spectrum. I noticed years ago that the alarmist-type groups all really have the same basic tone: send us money now, or the world will end. Or... call your politician now, or the the world will end. Or.... drown yourself in the Mississippi now, or the world will end. The only true difference is the particular issue that is going to cause this world-ending catastrophe: the impending ice age (you old folks will remember that particular fear), pornography, the extinction of a certain tree frog that lives only on one acre of land in South-eastern Asia, the destruction of the family because of day-time soaps, and so on and so forth.

Population growth is a big one for all these various political-spectrum points. On the one hand, I read Rushdoony ideas about how Christians need to have huge families so we CAN TAKE OVER THE WORLD HAHAHA! Which actually raises an interesting point, since the other side of this issue is the zero-population growth crowd, who is going to breed themselves into extinction, deliberately. Oh, please don't leave us with just the Rushdoony dudes!

I have lots of opinions about both sides of this argument with which I won't bore you, but I do feel the need to point out that our our family of six has less of a 'carbon-footprint' than Al Gore. Part of the reason for this is that yes, we do care- very much- about being good stewards of our resources, but mostly it's because we live very frugally and don't give a flip about what the neighbors think (sorry neighbors, it's true). Mowing? What's that?

a normal day here at home

2009-03-31T12:45:00.000-07:00

We actually had a somewhat normal school day today. At breakfast we chore-swapped, which led to mass confusion after breakfast as everyone (including me) tried to figure what we were supposed to do, when we supposed to do it, and where the hell the cleaning supplies were?? I eventually gave up trying to clean the bathroom and just took a shower.

School started at 8:42 a.m. on the dot. We sang Jesus Loves Me, much to the older kids' annoyance (I love torturing my children like that). India, however, was thrilled. Spanish followed (Yo uso una falda negra.) then bible reading (death, destruction and warfare), and Little Britches. If you have never read Little Britches I highly recommend it; it's a hilarious and sincere autobiography of a boy growing up on a ranch in the early 1900's. History continued with a brief account of Teddy Roosevelt from our textbook and a discussion of monopolies and social change (the more stuff changes, the more it stays the same... comparing the previous turn-of-the-century America to current turn-of the-century America is very interesting).

Snack break consisted of the kids eating cheesy crackers and fruit with me running around trying to clean up a bit and sending off a bunch of emails. Then back to the books... spelling, writing, journaling, editing. Everyone kind of doing their own thing. Lunch followed; roast beef sandwiches and oranges. The kids then took turns playing pointless computer games while I continued housework... oh, the drudgery...

We sprinted down to the Garden for a few moments to see how the transplants were faring- very well, thank you rain- then came back to our own garden. Fed Ex had arrived with our Japanese Maple and butterfly bush, so our science today consisted of planting! Woo hoo.

Finally there was math; some group work (4 times 0 equals 0; 4 times 1 equals 4...) followed by individual assignments. And now here I am, chilling at the computer before starting dinner, while the kids decompress after all that intense learning!

So that's a somewhat normal day looks like... it happens about once a month, in between soccer, gardening, grandma's house, play dates and other 'real-life learning experiences'.

Another homeschooling post

2009-03-24T13:42:00.000-07:00

Ok, this doesn't need a lot of commentary from me. I'll just open and close with a few statements... this weekend in St. Louis is a homeschool conference, and a few 'real' teachers happened to see the flyer about it. These are some of their responses, as reported by an undercover homeschool supporter:

- These people are dangerous when they get together for their own conferences.

- They shouldn't be allowed to assemble

- Can't the city/state government ban their get-togethers?

- Homeschool parents belong at a Home & Garden Expo not an Educational Expo

- What do they talk about at the Expo since they are not REAL teachers?

- Why is it called a Home Educators Expo since they are not educators?

- What would curriculum vendors attend something for homeschoolers?

- Why would colleges ever pay to exhibit at a homeschool convention?

- Dr. Wile and Dr. Guffanti are probably fake doctors

- The Expo speakers and attendees are all right-wing fanatics

- The curriculum at these homeschool fairs is outdated and archaic

- The Homeschool Clinic is for people that need to be cured of homeschooling

- There would be no variety in a homeschool Variety Show

- Homeschool parents are not qualified to discuss special needs.

- After the Expo, homeschoolers will go back to their bunkers

Maybe they should be comedians instead of teachers, eh?

So let's just talk about diversity, open-mindedness, and inclusiveness here. Or... let's not, and then maybe we'll be 'true' American teachers.

Yes, I'm aware that there are many teachers that do not share the above view points. In fact, despite the fact that I am a narrow-minded, right-wing, outdated homeschooling fanatic living in a bunker, I actually think that the category 'teachers' includes a wide variety of people with a variety of lifestyles and philosophies, many of whom do a fine job educating the troublesome lot of miscreants they are handed each year.

Oh gosh, I'm just ROFLMAO thinking of myself as a radical right-wing bunker person... sorry this blog post is abruptly terminated due to gales of laughter engulfing the blogger...

recently

2009-03-23T07:36:00.001-07:00

Recently, I've been starting all my blog posts with 'recently'. This is what happens when you never update (bad Veronica).

"If they bring home one more coloring sheet, we're pulling them out!"

2009-03-19T09:57:00.000-07:00

Recently a friend of mine did me a huge favor- she enrolled her homeschooled kids in a good public school. This social experiment on her part saved me the trouble of doing it myself, as I can now glean all of her newly-acquired wisdom about education in America. Or, at least, in South St. Louis County.

Her husband was the one pushing for this social experiment. He had never felt comfortable with homeschooling and was unsure why his wife insisted on it. After almost 5 successful years of their children learning at home, he finally talked his wife into trying the local public school, so they signed up their 9 year old twins for the winter semester.

Oh my, the kids had fun. They quickly made friends and were endlessly distracted at school by the parade of plays, recess, snack breaks, and so forth that make up 4th grade in South County. The school worked hard at integrating my friend's children into class and school culture with a 'no tolerance' position on bullying or teasing.

So... I asked... why are you guys going back to homeschooling now? Because the dad was insisting: "If they bring home one more coloring sheet, we're pulling them out!" Because while the parents were pleasantly surprised at how much the kids enjoyed school, how nice one (just one) of their teachers were, how nice the school was, they were even more horrified at the actual education the children were receiving. Coloring sheets in fourth grade? Social studies programs that consist mostly of 'Indians lived in tents and wigwams' with a diorama thrown in for good measure? Simplistic math two years behind what their children had already mastered? But the kids were learning- that boys don't play with girls, that parents shouldn't be around much, that old friends are supposed to bullied and that learning is dull. The kids who had loved to read before going to 'school' suddenly stopped reading, only a couple weeks into the semester. But even beyond all that- what the entire family learned was the point of schoolwork: not to get the right answer, but to give the answer the teacher was searching for, whether right or wrong. They learned that grades and doing well on standardized tests are the true goals of education, and that analyzation or application get you big fat 'F's.

The kids now have mixed feelings about coming back home. What nine year old doesn't want to hang around with their friends all day? But I hope they have the maturity and intelligence to understand their parents' decision and even appreciate it in the long run.

Perceptions

2009-03-10T13:41:00.000-07:00

Recently I walked into a grocery store, right behind a young black man. He had on a grey sweatshirt, hood pulled up over his head, hands in his pockets, backpack on his back. It was a middle-to-upper class store, in a middle-to-upper class, progressively-minded neighborhood.

I watched the expressions on the shoppers' faces.

Lowered brows. Stares. Craned necks.

I walked up to my young friend, who was actually shopping with me. I had been delayed while getting a cart and he had entered the store ahead of me.

I watched the faces again, as realization spread across them: Oh, he's with that white woman (little do they know). Everyone visibly relaxed.

This isn't the first time this has happened- I've had almost the exact experiences with several of our young, black male friends, and I have to wonder: how does this affect them? I need to ask, but I'm almost ashamed to. What is like to be assumed guilty before any crime is even committed? What is like to be seen as only a statistic? To be the media's favorite target?

By the way, the young man I was with that night is one of the humblest, most pleasant people I know, and I can only pray that God will keep his heart from bitterness as he lives his life among such prejudice.

Simultaneously Counting My Blessings and Updating My Blog

2009-03-05T12:02:00.000-08:00

I am actually determined to update my blog more often. I am just amazed at how quickly time passes... has it really been almost two weeks since my last update? Well, anyway.

As I think over this winter that now is rapidly moving into Spring, I have to shake my head and say: wow, we are blessed. Things aren't always perfect (to say the least) but our lives are interesting and full of goodness- and change.

David has recently been working with Sylvester on some artistic endeavors. This has been a great opportunity for him to use some talents he hasn't had a chance to exercise in a long time, not to mention just having a great time with that enormous goofball Sylvester (and no, that's not a reference to Syl's girth. I swear.)

Charlotte is half-way thru her senior year... wow. She has been in numerous art shows this year, and been recognized in several for her excellent work.

I have gotten a job (because I didn't have enough to do already). This was partly because of the real possibility of David's company crumbling (it's going through Ch. 11) and partly because the job is really perfect for me- coordinating a community garden in our own ghetto- I mean- formally blighted urban area. It's mostly management, which is my strongpoint, and can include my precocious children. Plus, what is better in life than gardening!?

School is going great too- the kids are at a point where they hardly complain about anything I ask them to do, and frequently teach themselves. Even India is learning to read with hardly any effort on my part. The kids are getting along well (typical sibling stuff but nothing too insane) and maturing well.

I feel very unworthy of these many blessings.

an unpleasant incident

2009-02-24T11:37:00.000-08:00

Really I should blogging about our chickens.

We have chickens. Two died, three survived, one may be beheaded (if she turns out to be a boy)...

There.

What I'm really going to blog about is an unpleasant shopping experience. I went to Sam's yesterday and picked up just a couple things (an oddity in life; Sam's is usual an expensive endeavor) and was waved into the 'customer service' area because of long lines at the checkouts. A few seconds later I was rung up and preparing to pay. I handed the assistant two bills- $100 and $1, and then started searching for some change (never a fun prospect). Finally I found a quarter, and then the woman waiting on me asked for a dollar. The rest of the conversation went something like this:

Me: I gave you a dollar.

Her: No you didn't.

Me: Yes, I did.

Her: It's just a dollar. Would I try to rip you off for a dollar? Would I risk my job for a dollar? It's just a dollar ma'am.

Me: You're right, it's not a big deal (hands her another dollar). But I did give it to you.

Her: No, you didn't. It's just a dollar, I wouldn't take a dollar.

Me: Fine, it's just a dollar, not a big deal- but I gave it to you. (as I clear my stuff from the counter)

We both see the dollar on the countertop.

Her (as she picks up the phone that wasn't ringing): See, there's the dollar. You didn't give it to me.

Me:(seriously pissed by now) What's your name?

Her: (no response, pretending to talk on the phone)

Me: What's your name?!

Her: (gives name reluctantly) It's just a dollar, ma'am!

Me: You're right, it's just a dollar, but you didn't have to argue with me about it! (walk off)

So I made the obligatory call today and explained the situation to the manager, who of course immediately knew the employee and said this was a repeated issue. Which made me feel even worse, because she'll probably lose her job. Over a dollar.

And it was just a dollar. But that wasn't the problem. Nor was the problem that 'the customer is always right' or that I want my boots licked. I am glad I called the manager, despite the fact that it was uncomfortable and I didn't want to get somebody fired over the dollar. Because I may not always be right, but I am always a human, and I believe it is not unreasonable to ask that workers actually treat me with a measure of respect. That they don't act like it's an enormous inconvenience to wait on me. That, perhaps, they admit that they might be wrong, or at least kindly inform me that I was wrong.

Overall, I think I would rather deal with chickens.

Enjoying my Kids

2009-02-04T10:25:00.001-08:00

It's hard to admit this, but one of the biggest difficulties for me & motherhood is just enjoying my kids. I can 'do' for them everyday, all day long, but enjoying them takes an emotional commitment that I'm just not always up to.

I can have fun with them- that's slightly different. That's laughing, teasing, playing- and enjoyment is part of that. But I'm talking about just deriving joy from their BEING. Not getting instantly annoyed at Anastasia's drama, but appreciating it as part of her personality (within boundaries, of course). Listening to the way India phrases things rather than immediately correcting her English. Relishing Malachi's obnoxious sense of humour. Watching Stuart pass into puberty. Taking the time not just to be with the kids, or teach the kids, or do for the kids, or be ANNOYED by the kids, but to take joy in them too.

This is important to me because I know someday soon my kids just won't have time for me. Oh, I know they'll still love me, I'll still be mom, and hopefully be very much a part of their lives- but let's face it, how much time do each of us devote to our moms? I want to relish these years so that when I'm lonely and missing them I don't have to look back and regret all the times that I was impatient and distracted and just plain bitchy.

Having said all that, there are times when survival is the only realistic goal, and they are lucky they don't get yelled at and locked in their room for a million years! People- myself, my children, and 6 billion others- are just flipping unbearable at times. And I can easily admit that!

My Messiah

2009-01-21T04:32:00.000-08:00

I watched/listened to the inauguration yesterday, impressive in many ways. It has been encouraging to see the nation unite behind a multi-racial man; truly we have come a long way.

I have, however, been simultaneously disturbed at the messiah-like worship I hear coming from so many different people. I don't know that Obama himself is encouraging this- all I know is that humans want a king. We always want a king.

Obama may make a good- even a great- president. I don't know yet, and truthfully none of us will know for another 20 or 30 years. History takes awhile to make those kind of decisions. But I do know that he is not my messiah.

My messiah doesn't promise material prosperity. He seems to rather not give a damn about it, actually, and allows many of his supporters to live in abject poverty. He does, however, guarantee that 'it is well with my soul'. And for those of us who do have material goods? It is our obligation to share. (Spread the wealth?)

My messiah's health care plan includes whatever disease necessary to keep me humble and obedient. Oh, crap, what am I going to come down with next?!

My messiah's education reform only seems to fund the School of Sorrow.

My messiah says that earthly change is an illusion. What has been, will be again. There is nothing new under the sun. True change originates from the Holy Spirit.

My messiah's retirement plan is His eternal presence. Until then, we work like dogs.

My messiah has one job for us all- to spread the gospel and glorify Him. Ok, two jobs. No, three jobs... my messiah has three jobs for us all: oh, nevermind. Well, many of his faithful followers dig ditches or depend on miracles. What about creating some jobs here, God??

And above all, my messiah is not a politician. Never cared what the people thought. And never made promises he is not able to keep.

sensucht

2009-01-07T16:08:00.000-08:00

Sensucht is the German word that C.S. Lewis used to describe joy- not lasting happiness, as some people define joy, but rather the deep longing for something beyond ourselves... that often fleeting, melancholy awareness of the supernatural. That brief knowledge that our temporary problems and occupations are shadow realities; they only mimic and distract from the vast reality that is all around us, greater and deeper and truer than we can comprehend.

The smallest things can pierce our heart with this kind of joy, and they are usually different with each person. For C.S. Lewis, the Nordic mythologies were a great source of joy. For myself, it is often the clear night sky, with a bit of crescent moon hanging in it amidst the scattering of stars. Sometimes it is a song- Pink Floyd, oddly enough, and Starflyer- or even a certain word or phrase. It is the most wonderful of feelings, the presence of God that can shake through me at the oddest moments from the oddest sources... and it leaves me longing for more, longing for the day when joy is all I know.

diversity?

2008-11-29T07:40:00.001-08:00

Me and some of the youth group girls went to see Twilight last night. You know, the teen flick based on the teen vampire fantasy book of the same name. It was a teen flick. That's all I'm going to say about that. Yes, it stuck pretty close to the book, so...

One thing struck me, though, as I watched the fictional characters run around the small Northwestern town of Forks. They were an amazingly diverse group of people. Asians, blacks, whites, and of course native americans (which actually makes sense) mingled freely and comfortably. But what was equally amazing is that apparently, everyone- literally EVERYONE- in the town was also skinny. I was impressed. I didn't think Americans looked like that. I thought, you know, we were a bit more diverse in the waistline.

And we wonder why two-thirds of college girls suffer from eating disorders...

my song

2008-11-19T10:18:00.000-08:00

Gonna tell you a little story

'Bout what happened last year

Living all nice and happy

In Skinker-Debaliviere

Bought us an old house

Deep down in the city

Didn't have no back wall

And it sho wasn't pretty

Got the bank to give us money

Make the place real fine

Now we ain't got no mo social life

Cuz we're working all the time

Rehabbing blues

Got the re- re- re- re-

Rehabbing blues

Work hard all day

Just to get a door hung

Gotta tear it out the next day

Cuz the wall ain't plumb

Rehabbing blues....

Maybe in twenty years

My blues will be cured

My house will be as snazzy

As anything in the 'burbs

Rehabbing blues...

favorite places to eat in St. Louis

2008-11-16T19:28:00.000-08:00

an imperfect and arbitrary list...

Guido's (on the Hill)
Saleem's (in the Loop)
Gyro House (ditto)
Thai Gai Yong Cafe (ditto, though unsure of the spelling)
Venice Cafe (Benton Park)
Chimichanga's (not quite So. Grand)
Crown Candy (my neighborhood, the hood, Old North St. Louis)
Chocolate Bar (Lafeyette Square. Technically, we go there for drinks, but when you can have a chocolate martini, who really needs dinner?!)
McGurks (Soulard)
Empress Express (downtown. Cheap Chinese at its best)
Uncle Bills (So. City location. Diner/breakfast food with bona fide diner waitresses)
Banh Mi Bobba Tea and Creperie, and also St. Louis Bubble Tea (tapioca balls in your slushie drink? Woof, yes. Plus the food and the atmosphere are top notch, assuming you like unique Asian experiences like loud TV's and lots of Chinese-speaking)

my cute kids

2008-11-06T11:27:00.000-08:00

... at an interesting park in South City and at the Botanical Gardens with some amazing mosaic art...

Leftover biscuits and sausage gravy

2008-11-03T05:47:00.000-08:00

With some cheesy eggs mixed in.

Oh, yeah.

one small comment

2008-10-31T04:56:00.000-07:00

I'm intentionally avoiding a lot of political thoughts, comments, and news, but I am going to make one small statement here about the upcoming election day. Whatever happened to JFK's statement about 'ask not what the country can do for you, but what you can do for your country' (not a perfect quote there, I know) ? I'm not really a fan of JFK's legacy but you know, he had a good point there. I wish that idea would come up once in awhile, cuz I'm really sick of hearing about 'this candidate will or will not make MY life better'. I mean, wtf? Is that the point of the government, to make my life better? To a certain degree I guess it is- anarchy (though appealing) does make everyone's life slightly more challenging. But the more we demand that the government be responsible for our comfort, the more we have to accept mediocrity and tyranny. Big Brother is born- not through the whims of a dictator, but from the necessity of protecting the easy life.

my book

2008-10-28T19:04:00.000-07:00

So, I'm writing a children's story about gigantic gourds that take over the neighborhood. It has a whimsical and melancholy edge to it. I am now beginning the arduous task of trying to get it published (eek). My good friend Laura is going to help me lay it out and I am probably going to ask someone I know to be my agent and I will also send it to publishers who don't require agents (depressingly few in number).

It's been fun and educational, and even if I never get it published I still think it is a good story :) And yes, I have no principles. I am willing to change it, slash it, burn it, and sell my soul (not to mention my children) if that's what a publisher demands!

extra caffeine, anyone?

2008-10-23T10:21:00.000-07:00

Well, the unthinkable has happened. I've cut back on my coffee. For the last week, I've only been drinking one cup in the morning and one in the early afternoon (my previous quota was exactly twice that amount).

The reason for this traitorous behavior is that I have a thyroid condition, suspected for a long time and finally confirmed. The modern American medical treatment for this condition is daily hormone replacement for the rest of my life. I'm really not into that. I think it is a bad idea in general that our medical practice basically consists of giving people a pill for every symptom. I prefer trying to fix the actual problem.

Therefore, I'm cutting back on my caffeine, increasing the amount of water I drink, trying to eat more vegetables and trying to exercise every day. The purpose of all that is to help my body better process nutrients and thereby help my thyroid function better. I don't know if it's actually working yet, but I have to admit that I feel healthier overall and seem to be losing a little bit of weight.

Is it worth sacrificing some of my daily caffeine dosage? Not really.

The ups and downs of homeschooling

2008-10-17T12:42:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder why I get stressed out. My kids are pretty good. I have breaks during my day and time to goof off (like now :). I should be able to handle everything pretty easily...but the reality is, child-rearing is a major endeavor.

For instance, this afternoon, right before spelling, India jumped off a toy outside and hurt her arms. She, of course, started wailing like she was being burned at the stake. We needed to work on spelling- Stuart and Anastasia's worst subject- so I held her while giving them their spelling words. So... India's screaming, Anastasia is more interesting in being 'Mom' than her spelling, Stuart is irritated because of the illogical nature of English spelling, and Malachi, who is supposed to be helping me take care of India, is having Malachi moments (what's tylenol?! he asks blankly) AARGH!

This is why I need coffee breaks and good books (or manga, whatever is available).

On the other hand...now I can sit here and type during our science time, because Stuart loves science and has taken it upon himself to teach our curriculum for now. We also had fun learning about prime numbers today and looked up the largest known prime number (I know, we're geeks.)

It's a great life.

My sense of taste (and other happenings here)

2008-10-09T07:37:00.000-07:00

We are suffering from a serious cold. Going on a week of misery here. I rearranged our school schedule so we can have our autumn vacation now- giving us time to recuperate without missing tons of school.

With this cold, I have lost my sense of taste. The last time I tasted food was Friday afternoon (and today is Thursday, of the following week). It is a surreal experience, this lack of taste (that could be symbolic of my whole life I guess ;). There is a growing craving inside me for good food. A feeling that something in my life is seriously wrong. I have to prevent myself from just eating, eating, trying to satisfy the need for taste. You would think it would be the opposite...that I would lose my appetite. That happened for a couple days. But now, it is almost like my need for sunlight. I know it's there, somewhere in the world...if I could only find it...

Other ramblings...during our time off, Anastasia and I are working on a doll quilt, boys are working on a pine car, and we've played a lot of games and watched some Hogan's Heroes. With the beautiful weather, we should really be outside more, so maybe we'll take our rolls of t.p. and our mugs of hot liquids and move outside this afternoon!

Yet another rant...

2008-10-06T10:22:00.001-07:00

Seems like I currently use this blog as a way to get my feelings off my chest..oh well..

So last week was banned book week (hurray for banned books!) but as always, the people who fight against censorship forget a few important things.

1. 'Censorship' is when the government doesn't allow something to be published, spoken, read, etc. It is NOT when a private company or organization chooses not to publish something (sell something, advertise something, etc.) because they don't like the content. Several of the times people scream 'censorship' when a private individual/corporation is exercising their own freedom to print or not print something they find distasteful or disagreeable.

2. The Bible is the number one banned book of all time, anywhere in the world. Most of the time, banned book lists fail to include this holy book. I have to wonder why? Are these people, so intent on protecting freedom, censoring a censored book? What could be their motivation? Hmmmm....

3. Restriction is different than censorship. In other words, it is NOT censorship to rate a movie 'X'. Ratings are, first of all, not something the government does, and second of all, doesn't prevent ANYONE from seeing the movie. Children can see porn if their parents get it for them (though that might make the parents end up in court). Most people would agree that small children should be restricted from seeing certain material in most circumstances. Do I want my 11 yr. old reading Lady Chatterly's Lover? No. Do I want Lady Chatterly's Lover banned? No. Do I want to decide when my child is ready for that kind of writing? Yes. That's not censorship, that's parenting, and if the anti-censorship crowd (of which I would consider myself a member) has a problem with that, than I would suggest that they find themselves a good dictionary and look up a few words like wisdom and maturity, unless those words are banned now too...

The Modern Moralists

2008-09-23T12:05:00.000-07:00

It’s been awhile since I’ve written- Talent Show, school, goofing off. My days are just packed.

But I have a rant I want to get off my chest...the modern moralists. People would generally associate the ‘religious right’ with the Puritans, and I can understand their view point. But how about the non-religious moralists? Let me give you an example...

I was watching a DVD last night that we rented from Netflix. It started with the now-customary anti-piracy message (you know, copy a DVD and go to hell). This particular infomerical used the movie Casablanca as it's 'theme'...love, adultery, copying DVD's. It wrapped up it's morality play by basically stating that adultery is good, pirating movies is satanic. Do I need to comment on this?

And then the morality play continued with an anti-smoking commercial.

So I sum up the modern moralists like this:

Hurt others. Don't hurt yourself. Don't hurt the environment. And, whatever you do, DON'T SCREW WITH OUR PROFITS!

The Walking Platform

2008-09-01T09:22:00.000-07:00

Rather than simply criticizing everyone else's party platform, I have decided to create my own: The Walking Party.

The gov't will give a tax credit of $100,00 per year to everyone who doesn't own a car and walks everywhere instead, plus two good pair of walking shoes each year. This will instantly solve all the nations woes:

1. ENVIRONMENT: Less pollution, right? Plus, if you don't own a car, it's harder to shop a lot, which also helps the environment. Best of all- it will shut up those pesky environmentalists :)

2. CRIME: Everyone will be too busy walking to commit crimes.

3. ABORTION: Everyone will be too busy walking to get pregnant.

4. EDUCATION: Everyone will be too busy walking to go to school.

5. FOREIGN POLICY: Ditto numbers 3, 4, and 5

6. HEALTH CARE: Walking alleviates most health issues, including mental ones. Plus the doctors will be too busy walking... well, you get the picture.

7. CIVIL RIGHTS: For the most part, pedestrians are treated poorly, with no regard to gender, race, sexual preference, hair color or economic class. Equality would be instantaneous.

8. BUDGET DEFICIT/GOV'T DEBT: The legislature will be too busy walking to spend money. Plus, since we'll be fighting no more wars, paying for no schools, building no roads, and basically not have much use for the government at all, there won't be much to spend money on.

I personally think it's brilliant.

One Issue?

2008-08-30T07:20:00.000-07:00

Ok, there are a lot of things I have to admit I like about the concept of Sarah Palin for VP. She’s a mom. She’s from Alaska (home of the weirdest people of the planet. I love them!) She tries to come across as anti-establishment (bit tricky for someone in the ‘burbs) and she has cool names for her kids.

There is that small detail about lack of experience (though David pointed out that she actually has executive experience unlike anyone else who is running!!) But other than that, I just can’t support anyone who suggest we end our dependence on foreign oil by drilling more.

This is like the scag junkie saying he’s going to end his dependence on the drug dealers by growing his own poppies.

It doesn’t end the dependence, it just switches it.

If my neighbor was dying and the only way I could save their life was by drilling in the Alaskan Wildlife Nature Reserve, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Give me the drill, let’s go in. But if my neighbor couldn’t drive to the mall to buy her spoiled 8 yr. old daughter the newest Hannah Montana t-shirt because there was no more gas, too bad. Walk your fat ass over there, honey.

It’s not that I’m a one issue person or even that caught up in ‘saving the environment’. It’s that I’m tired of Americans thinking that the Constitution guarantees happiness through overuse. I hear Christians talk about God judging us for killing our children through abortion- that is very possible, as we will also be judged for slavery, treaty-breaking and reality TV shows. But...how about judging us for destroying anything in our path that hinders us from driving everywhere in the largest vehicle possible just cuz we feel like it, screw the rest of the world who has to walk.

Ok, my bad attitude is seeping- flooding?- out again and so I should stop. Sorry, Sarah, you lost my vote.

the beauty of homeschooling

2008-08-27T14:20:00.000-07:00

Oftentimes if feel guilty about my lack of mothering abilities. I feel I am overwhelmed easily, short-tempered, and not a very good teacher.

And then there are the moments like this afternoon, when everything seems beautiful. Malachi is investigating a dead a wasp, on his own initiative. He is at the table with gloves and tweezers. Since he is a arthropodophile, he is sad that the wasp is dead, but since it is indeed deceased...well, might as well take advantage of the fact and pin it up.

Stuart is attempting to invent a mop-machine for me, with India’s invaluable assistance. Not sure where that is going...and, of course, our domestic goddess, Anastasia, is making our dinner. Yes, definitely the best part. I get to sit and play my favorite computer game N.

Actually the best part is knowing that the children are curious, resourceful, and motivated (ok, and bratty and stubborn at times too. Hence my feelings of inadequacy.)

Speaking of resourceful, the boys did the stereotypical curious adolescent thing and looked up a couple of bad words in the dictionary. Then they came and informed us of the meanings and related surprise to actually see those words in the dictionary. It was a priceless moment.

fried brain

2008-08-21T06:30:00.000-07:00

I know it's been awhile since I've blogged...we started school last week and my brain has been fried. Things are going well, but it takes time to settle into the groove of housework plus schoolwork. India has joined the gang this year, as a preschooler, which is good since she needs to be learning and involved but also means that now I have four different learning styles and levels to cope with each day.

On a different subject, this August weather is amazing (in St. Louis the weather really is interesting to talk about!). I now step outside expecting pleasant weather rather than the stifling, oppressive, disabling heat and humidity for which August in St. Louis is famous. Did someone forget to turn on a switch?!

At Soulard, $20 buys me...

2008-08-11T11:20:00.000-07:00

1 qt. blueberries
1 bunch of celery
1 bag of baby carrots
1 head of red leaf lettuce
1 lb. of roma tomatoes
3 lbs. of peaches
1- 20 oz. jar of 'no added sugar' homemade plum (yummy) jelly
2 sweet bell peppers
1 onion
1 zucchini
1/2 lb. peanuts

not to mention a wonderful, cross-cultural experience!

Bad attitude

2008-08-06T07:58:00.000-07:00

I’ve noticed in my recent postings that I’ve had a negative attitude about a lot of things. I’m sorry about that. In the future, I’ll only say nice, positive things about people and places.

Oh, great, now I’m lying, too. How about I just put duct tape over my mouth? Or would that be my fingers, considering that I’m typing this?

fjklfsdlkrsdkisiofdgfjkgfjkdslsajkl

Nope, doesn’t work too well.

Haggling Over the Price

2008-08-05T09:32:00.000-07:00

There is a story about a conversation between Mark Twain and a wealthy woman at a party. The woman makes a comment along the lines of how she figures she would do just about anything for a million dollars. Mark Twain then asks if she would sleep with him for a hundred dollars. “What kind of woman do you think I am?” she replies indignantly. With his usual wit, Mark Twain responds: “We’ve already determined what kind of woman you are, ma’am. Now we are just haggling over the price.

I was recently reminded of this story while pumping gas in a suburb. From having lived in the city for so long we have gotten use to pre-paying for our gas- crime is high in the inner-city, you know, so the stations are afraid (perhaps justifiably) of gas-n-go’s. However, we have rarely prepaid in the nicer suburbs. No criminals there! And then last week I tried to pump my gas in South County without prepaying…I’m sorry, you need to come inside and pay first, or at least swipe a card. Hmm.

Are all my ghetto friends driving out to the suburbs to steal more expensive gas? I doubt it. I think gas prices have proven Mark Twain’s point once again. Criminality is not a question of geography, but of finding the right price.

My August To-do list:

2008-07-31T16:31:00.000-07:00

Anyone who would like to help will get free gingersnaps and coffee.

House chores:

CLEAN FRIDGE!
Work on (not necessarily finish) brick pathway in backyard
Paint dining room
Clean walls (yucky dusty things)
Shampoo rugs
Maybe some artwork for our back fence? I want to hang a window and door frame on it.
Organize kitchen shelves

Youth Group:

Write out talent show skit
Plan construction for stage
Find someone to run sound for talent show
Schedule, schedule, schedule!

Me:

Write some short stories
Design some winter clothes

School:

Buy new computer
Plan schoolwork

Kids:

Plan Stuart’s and India’s birthday parties

Go to:

Venice Café with David (sorry, no one else is invited)
Magic House
Butterfly House
Botanical Gardens
Grant’s Farm

Everything else has to wait until September…

Humility is so…humbling

2008-07-28T15:59:00.000-07:00

Today, I was in the trendy, progressive, upscale area of the city known as the Central West End. There they are, with their uptight attitudes, expensive clothes, stylish haircuts, and big, gas-guzzling SUV’s (though everyone is also very environmentally-sensitive, of course. Hah.), and there’s me in tie-dye, a ponytail, and bad-driving skills. Beware, my shiny vehicle. The weirdo housewife is careering toward us!

I don’t realize just how much pride I have until I am in humiliating situations like this (you know, trying to parallel park my mini-van while everyone is turning their nose up at me). Logically, it is obvious that if I’m embarrassed, it’s because I have Pride. If I am truly humble, without the need for others’ approval or admiration, than it doesn’t matter if I can’t parallel park worth a damn. Or that I sometimes go out looking scruffy. Or that I have a preschooler (I forgot to mention that the denizens of the Central West End also Disapprove of Breeding).

And so I revel in these moments of extreme humiliation. The shedding of pride is a horribly painful process, and one which I expect will not be complete until the next world, but think of the freedom that comes with it…the ability to do what I need to do, what I want to do, how I want to do it, without continually living with the fear of opinions. If I am already a laughingstock, what else is there to lose? Or, as Salvador Dali so eloquently stated it, ‘The difference between myself and a madman is that I am not mad.’ And even better, ‘God resists the proud, but is near to those who are humble in heart.’

Horse Camp and Modern Country Life

2008-07-22T04:46:00.000-07:00

I’ll keep this post brief…I have just been too busy to sit down and write anything. Last week Malachi and Anastasia participated in a VBS and this week Stuart, Anastasia and Malachi are going to a Horse Camp everyday at Avalon Horse Farm in Milstadt, IL. Yesterday was the first day and it was wonderful. The kids cleaned stalls, rode horses, brushed their horses, cleaned stalls again- and had a good attitude the whole time. They are excited to go back everyday but have already informed me they are no longer interested in owning horses. It’s just too much work!

India is spending a couple days with grandma and grandpa so I took the time to wander around the farm, finish a book (The Gunslinger, by Stephen King) and then drive into Belleville to get a tolerable cup of coffee. I do love being in the country, but I would prefer to actually be in ‘more’ country- this area has nice rolling fields, open pastureland, and then suddenly there are these suburban-type neighborhoods popping out of nowhere, with a bunch of enormous, identical-looking vinyl-sided houses. If you’re going to make me live someplace far from coffeeshops and museums then at least give me decrepit old farmhouses and crumbling tombstones. Oh well. That’s progress for you. It’s always…progressing.

A Mean, Green Mother

2008-07-17T13:33:00.000-07:00

This morning my offspring informed me that I was ‘tough’. The conversation started with the boys commenting on how firm Anastasia is with her guinea pigs- she’s just like me, they informed me. India too. We’re ‘tough’ women. We have grit. I asked if that meant I was mean; Malachi immediately said no but Stuart wavered for a moment before agreeing with Malachi. Both the boys were quick to point out that being a tough woman is better than being the stereotypical swooning female. I don’t know if that makes me feel better or not. I mean, it comes to no surprise that my children view me as, ahem, firm. But now of course I have to worry- are they just being polite? Are they really afraid of saying what they think? Am I ruining my children by my lack of female tenderness? I don’t know, but I will never forget the face Stuart made when I asked for his opinion- eyes open wide, eyebrows raised, oh yea mom, you’re tough.

this week in the Life of the Holdens…

2008-07-14T13:01:00.000-07:00

Another busy week of birthdays, grandmas, and VBS. David’s birthday was Friday so we spent a couple days celebrating that (Botanical Gardens and Grandma Peggy’s) and this week Malachi and Anastasia are attending Vacation Bible School at Memorial Presbyterian. Apparently I’m raising little rebels here. The boys are plotting a strike against the VBS since one of the activities encourages competition between boys and girls, which we strongly discourage in our household.

Stuart, India and I hung out in the Loop while the other two kids were doing expressive dance to cheesy kids songs (Sorry, I have a bad attitude toward VBS). I definitely think we had more fun- Bread Co, Plowsharing, Sunshine Daydream, and Bubble Tea. Plus a beautiful day with lots of walking.

Now we’re home again, doing some laundry, playing some computer games, and basically just chilling. Hopefully the rest of the week will go as well!

Mosh Pits, Pow wows and Christians

2008-07-08T12:11:00.000-07:00

On Sunday, we returned from our somewhat annual trek to Cornerstone Music Festival in Bushnell, IL. It was a good Cornerstone. The weather was amazingly beautiful- a storm threatened one night but miraculously split and went north and south of us (very thoughtful of it- storms and tents just don’t mix well!) Other than that, the skies were pretty clear and the thermometer never topped 85.

There is a lot I could say about the strange mix of people and events that comprise Cornerstone. But for now I’ll stick to the highlights-

Some Native Americans (mostly Crow, I think) shared their drumming and dancing. It was beautiful and inspiring. Because they are Christians, they are ostracized by their own communities (even a lot of other Christian Indians disapprove of the preservation of their traditions mixed with the Christian faith. Sigh).

The Imaginarium section of Cornerstone, which usually focuses on fantasy/sci fi, had a ‘British’ theme this year. Our kids got to play Cricket!

Over the Rhine put on their usual fantastic midnight, electrified concert. David and I dragged ourselves there with our friend Bob Havens while Gail stayed at the campsite with our sleeping children. It was definitely worth it. Karin threw in the f-word in the middle of one of their songs. I was so feckin offended.

Poor Stuart. The children were given more freedom this year, as long as they stayed together or stayed in the spot we left them. All Stuart wanted to do was hang out at some of the noise stages to hear people growl along to distorted guitars and drum-pounding. Mind you, these tents/stages are ALL OVER the campgrounds and can be heard anywhere at any time of the day. But every time we left him at a tent and told him to ‘stay put until we returned,’ something would go wrong and the band would stop playing, or the tent would take a break, or whatever. So there he was, surrounded by loud music for three days, and never got to enjoy it. Is that irony or what?

Speaking of irony, the last day we were there Anastasia turned to me and said, ‘I noticed that a lot of people here are Christians!’ Well, yea, that is typically what happens at a Christian music festival.

And I could go on…but this post is long enough, so I’ll have to continue on another day!

prodigals and paper plates

2008-06-29T12:29:00.000-07:00

I guess we are having to accept the fact that Charlotte really isn’t going to have much more to do with us. Sigh. The usual explanation is that, you know, she’s seventeen, has a job, has (somewhat of) a vehicle, and that would make sense except that…well, we’ve been expecting her to drop out of our life for quite sometime now. Children of divorce have to decide which parent is right and which parent is the loser. Guess which side of the coin we landed on?

I admit that whenever a family has ‘issues’ with a child I assume they must have done something wrong (in other words, if I do everything right, then I won’t ever have to go through that kind of pain.) And you know, there is truth in that. We do a lot of things wrong. But I also have to accept the reality that even when you do everything right, you can’t control someone else’s decisions. Yet I know the story of the prodigal son- I know how much fun he had at first, and I know where he ended up, and I know many other prodigal stories that have that same plot. Many of them don’t end as well, though. Many of them end up starving in the pig sty, always too stubborn to admit that maybe they had something to do with their situation, that even though their parents were the biggest losers on the planet they themselves could have been- dare I say it- a little bit less self-centered too. How will our story end? Only God knows.

On a funnier note, this morning Malachi (who is nine and a half) was shocked to discover that not all animals mate for life. I explained a few of the more…um…unorthodox mating behaviors of several animals. For instance, I said a goat will kill itself in its efforts to impregnate all the females it finds.

Malachi says he would rather die by eating too many paper plates.

Give it a few years, kid.

Gas Prices: My Opinion

2008-06-23T08:40:00.000-07:00

So, this is an unpopular statement, but I think gas prices are just fine they way they are (we are currently paying $3.99/gal in St. Louis). Why do I feel this way? Well, I think that Americans have been spoiled for too long. We have access to an enormous amount of goods at ridiculously low prices, and have not been satisfied with all we have. We always have to have more (and yes, I’m including myself in this generalization, because I fall into that same trap, too). In a way, the high gas prices are a good antidote to our greed. We have to be more frugal with our driving and our shopping. I will admit that I gripe and have a heart attack every time I fill up the van (ouch! $71 last week, and I’m already 2/3 of the way thru the tank…no driving for me this week!) but honestly, I do think it is a good thing. Perhaps frugality at the gas tank will translate to frugality throughout our entire life. We could use a dash of Puritan ethics- make do with what you have (or something like that).
Having said all that, I do also believe the oil companies are truly evil. That is an entirely separate issue…I mean, I know the prices are partly a result of the gas companies’ greed, and that is wrong, but I also think the gas prices are good for us as Americans, if that makes any sense.
Well my children are pestering me so I need to stop my ruminations about rather insignificant things and go back to work. Sigh.

‘Europeans watch the time. Here, we have time to watch.’

2008-06-20T05:18:00.000-07:00

I read that Moroccan saying yesterday and was seriously convicted by it. I have often thought about my obsession with productivity, inherited in a straight line from my distant Puritan ancestors and further encouraged by my years in the American school system. Getting stuff done is the goal of our life; it makes me feel valuable and important. And there are good things about that mentality- we are an amazingly productive society, which has given birth to all sorts of nifty inventions like computers and Netflix and made them easily accessible to the most frugal of housewives.

But of course, they are many, many problems with our (my) obsession with hurrying through life with one eye on the clock and the other eye on our to-do list. Mostly, we miss out on life. I really like the idea of sitting on the porch with my coffee and banana bread, idly watching the garden grow and chatting with the neighbors. But then I start thinking of the filthy bathroom (Yikes! I have to clean that today!) and dinner needs to be done and oh crap, I’m so far behind on the kids’ school paperwork and don’t even mention youth group stuff…and there goes my idyllic summer evening. How do we get out of this mess of over-achieving and busy-ness? I just don’t know. But I’m working on it.

‘Time is our servant here. We are not the servants of Time.’

Technological Stone-Age

2008-06-16T12:36:00.000-07:00

We’ve been content for the last several years to live in the 90’s...you know, pre-universal cell-phone usage and easily-accessible DSL. We’ve tolerated our dial-up crawling along the information super-highway. We’ve waited patiently to get home before making all those important phone calls. Our back pockets and purses have been conspicuously silent, abstaining from the symphony of electronic beeping and bipping that rings out everywhere that 21^st Century Americans congregate. We can only catch glimpses of all those popular YouTube videos, waiting two hours for a few seconds of jerky movement to download. We have proven- countless times- that we will not capitulate to the societal pressure to do multiple things faster in a more irritating way.

But now that the initial novelty has worn off, now that whipping out the cell-phone is not a contest to prove one’s yuppiness, now that it is pretty much pointless to surf the net at dial-up speeds, we are beginning to shop around for all those 21^st century luxuries, which are now cheaper and laden with accessories. This is when I love capitalism.

However, I still refuse to watch TV. My brain is irreplaceable.

Rest

2008-06-13T06:00:00.001-07:00

I have some sort of nasty cold and it is making me miserable. I know I need rest and I am forcing myself to sit down between bouts of housecleaning. It is just so difficult, sitting here doing nothing, when there are dishes stacked up and toys strewn everywhere and hair in the bathroom sink and $20 missing somewhere in the house...especially when that $20 is our ice cream money for tonight and I’d really like to find it before going out!

On the good side, the kids do a lot of work (which is as it should be, considering most of the mess is from them!) and I can enjoy the wonderful Putumayo disc we borrowed from the library (World Groove, for the other Putumayo fans out there) while I am resting.

Today is Anastasia’s eighth birthday- it feels unreal that she is so old!- and we are preparing for her birthday party tomorrow. Cookie pizza, sub sandwiches, homemade party hats and hopefully a clean house. The boys and I took breakfast to her in bed this morning. It is so good to see the children caring for each other. They have the usual sibling disputes and frustrations but it is always apparent they truly love each other. If they can make it through life with good family relationships I figure I’ll have accomplished something significant!

Well, I need to finish my tea and get back to work…or at least my task-mastering…those little sluggards are lollygagging while I’m distracted here! Hee hee hee.

'We are from the Clan of Darkness. The Dark One.'

2008-06-12T08:01:00.000-07:00

This is my favorite quote from ‘Bleach: Memories of Nobody’, the movie that Harper and I drove 80 miles to see last night. What can I say? It’s anime. Cheesy, melodramatic, but often funny and usually interesting. The movie was fun and well done- not as good as the manga or the anime but definitely worth seeing (if you’re already a fan). It is showing only two days here in the states, yesterday and today, and in ‘select’ theatres, just to insure that all the fans can prove their dedication.

And remember…we are from the clan of darkness…

Brick Heaven

2008-06-06T12:19:00.000-07:00

We have found it- the place where all the good bricks go when they die.

It’s called our backyard.

The boys and I are digging out the topsoil in a small area of our yard so we can put in new, uncontaminated (supposedly) topsoil and then plant a veggie garden. Now, we are used to the travails of digging in an old urban area. Broken bricks, glass, miscellaneous trash- we have been dealing with this for years. But this particular area that we have chosen for our victory garden is a little bit beyond the norm. Row upon row of perfect bricks, lined up neatly on their sides, squeezed tightly together just a few inches below the surface. It’s like a mass grave- I wonder what merciless brick genocide happened here? Is this the forgotten evidence of the horrors of progress- defenseless old buildings demolished without pity or respect, torn down viciously to clear the way for modernity? Not that our house is modern, by any stretch…nor does the demolishing of old buildings even distantly compare to the atrocity of true genocide…but you get the point.

Well, these recovered bricks will now get the respect and proper burial they deserve. I will use them for the brick walkway I began some months ago, for them to be walked upon with dignity until the next wave of progress crashes over our neighborhood- perhaps, hopefully, long after we have gone on to our own burial grounds- and they are pulled up again and dumped into another mass grave.

Makes me glad that I’m not a brick.

The Summer of Camps

2008-06-04T09:30:00.000-07:00

I’m bowing to the inevitable and cutting back on school. I always have plans to school thru summer but something about the heat, the schedule, and just life in general prevents it from happening. BUT we will continue working on math and bible reading (the kids enjoy that anyway) just so that our days feel like they have some purpose. Then the rest of the time will be filled with camp, cleaning, gardening, and hopefully relaxing (yea, right.)

Speaking of camp, this will go down in history as the summer of camps:

India- one ‘Summertime Adventure Camp’ $18

Anastasia- ‘Summertime Adventure Camp’ $36

VBS free

VBS $20

horse camp $100

Malachi- Computer camp $750 (!!!!!) expletive inserted here

VBS $20

horse camp $100

Stuart- Computer camp $775 (!!!) stronger expletive inserted here

VBS $20

horse camp $100

Yes, poor India gets the short end of the deal, mostly b/c she is still only 3. Sniff sniff. And yes, we are requesting financial aid from everything and everybody- the boys are available for simple manual labor or baking. At the end of it all, we will either have the funnest summer ever or be dead.

Save Mary

2008-05-29T18:05:00.000-07:00

I have not been feeling very much inclined to blog about anything lately. Not sure why.

So I’ll just write about our Atari.

I never had an Atari as a child, so I had to find one for my children. My offspring are of course not horribly impressed (but do enjoy it on occasion) and I of course love it.

Lately I have been playing the game “Save Mary”. We are not sure why, exactly, we have to save Mary- she keeps getting stuck in this chasm that is rapidly filling with water. The idea is to carefully drop concrete blocks in a neat stack so she can climb out (think about this in early 80’s Atari graphics, please. Lots of large square shapes.) But Mary doesn’t make it easy to save her; she is the stereotypical helpless female, crying ‘Help!’ and then getting in the way when you try to do something for her. And she can’t stand still, but must frolic about the quick trick block stack while you try to build it higher and consequently crush her beneath the concrete. We all wonder we bother to save Mary- honestly I kill her several dozen times each time I play- when clearly she is not worth saving.

The theological implications are overwhelming.

The Teacher

2008-05-23T10:12:00.000-07:00

So, I’m reading the book of Ecclesiastes (in the bible) and I keep thinking, man, this guy needed Prozac!

No, seriously, it is a very convicting book, despite its rather depressed tone. Solomon was probably the author, and like most people who have everything their heart desires, he was very unhappy by the end of his life. It probably didn’t help that he had 700 wives and 300 concubines…that would be enough to drive any man to suicide…can you imagine the nagging??? Plus I can’t believe he actually had close relationships with any one of them or his children. It was a recipe for disaster.

But enough about Solomon’s interpersonal relationship issues. The basic premise of the book is that stuff can’t make you happy. All our stress and over-worked-ness gets us precisely nowhere; we all just need to chill and enjoy life. Vanity, vanity- all is vanity.

It avoids nihilism by the repeated emphasis that though materialism is meaningless, there is much that is above and beyond our short lives - and my favorite verse from the entire book is about that: ‘He has set eternity in the hearts of man, but they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.’

Other notable quotes:

“The sun also rises”

“Nothing new under the sun”

“Remember your Creator in the days of your youth”

…and perhaps most famous of all….

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:” turn, turn, turn…

Names

2008-05-17T05:06:00.000-07:00

We settled on names for our newest family members, the emergency rations in case of complete economic disaster- that is, the guinea pigs. Bear in mind these are technically Anastasia's pets (she is doing a good job caring for them, btw) so she had ultimate authority over name choices. Too, despite our many clever ideas (Smith and Wesson, Whiskey and Rye) they are guinea pigs- cute, fuzzy, squeaky, and not too witty.
So- drum roll please- they are now Gurgle and Plaid.
Plaid is a big bully (but cute and active). He steals lettuce from his littler brother, Gurgle, who is shiny and adorable and shy. When Plaid hears us walk in the room he lifts up on his hind legs and 'wheaks' sweetly, gazing at us with desperation, mouth slightly open, begging for lettuce.
Their lettuce-loving just cracks me up. Addictions are inexplicable.
More coffee, please.

The Lettuce-Eaters

2008-05-12T18:49:00.001-07:00

Oh, little guineas
Who love their food
Who eat much more than we

Cel’ry and pellets
Clover and hay
And dandelions, yum, yummee

But there is yet
One food, so great,
The sight makes you twitch with glee-

What is this stuff,
This mortal stuff,
Curly and green, its leaves-

You lift your nose
You stretch your toes
You nuzzle our hand to see-

Oh there it is!
That glorious food!
Munch munch, it goes quickly

Romaine! Romaine!
Oh, give us more!
They squeak, they moan, they plea

An opiate to them-
They waste away-
Longing for its iron and vitamin C!

This Little Piggie...

2008-05-10T10:14:00.000-07:00

Last night we bought our first cuddly pets. (I originally just said first pet but David told me our fish and lizard and millipedes would be insulted by that statement. Cuddly, however, is an indubitable adjective in this case).

We have two adorable, squeaky, calico male guinea pigs. They were cheap- just ten bucks a piece. But the cheapness ends there. Bedding, hay, food, fresh produce- these ‘pets’ are going to live better than my kids!

They are technically Anastasia’s birthday gifts, and she will be the ‘primary caregiver’ (that’s for tax purposes J ) But everyone loves them and will continue to help care for them, even after the novelty/excitement wears off.

I have to say, I’m much more smitten that I expected I would be. I’m not a cutesywootsy kind of person, but these little guys, with their huge, trusting black eyes, wiggly little snouts, and lovely habit of using everything as a toilet are just irresistible!

Oh, yea, names! We have a short list of appropriate names and will wait a week to observe their personalities before choosing.

Some initial thoughts:

Benjamin and Flopsy (Peter Rabbit’s family members)

Feo and Guapo (Ugly and handsome, in Spanish)

Othello and Hamlet

Ira and George (Gershwin)

The Hairstyle of Her Future

2008-05-05T15:55:00.000-07:00

“Look, mommy, I’m emo,” India said to me last week. Charlotte had brushed India’s long bangs into her face, swooping them just slightly to the side so she looked like one of those over-emotional, self-centered teenage-types known as ‘emo’.

India, of course, had no idea what she was talking about it, but only mimicked what Charlotte had told her to say- which made it all the more hilarious. It is possible this is a prophetic vision of things to come… if indeed there is a subculture known as ‘emo’ in ten years, India’s high-strung and demanding personality may morph enough into a melancholy personality (as she begins to realize that indeed, the world does not revolve around her) for her to blend in beautifully with that crowd.

Deep thoughts (or not)

2008-04-23T15:32:00.000-07:00

I was going to chronicle the deep and thought-provoking ideas upon which I was ruminating earlier today, but alas, I have forgotten those deep thoughts and am left with only the confusion and insanity of late afternoon.

Wednesdays are kind of our ‘off’ day in the middle of the week. I have my bible/book study on Wednesday mornings, so it’s pretty much impossible to accomplish any schoolwork. We did manage to squeeze in a trip to the library, one of our favorite places in the world, and then this afternoon we had Arthropod Emporium (the class we have been teaching for our homeschool learning co-op). So my inability to think much beyond making dinner and cleaning-up is understandable, I feel. Busy days- four kids- ten more kids over for class- it’s amazing we’re all still alive!

Now bean soup is simmering on the stove. I brought home some Bread Company remnants from the book study so I don’t have to make bread to accompany our soup tonight and I have a few moments to relax and catch up on the day’s neglected housework. David and Stuart are at my in-law’s house, doing yard work, and the rest of the family is engaged in quiet activity. Uh oh, I better go check on that…quiet is seldom good….

How does your garden grow? These are in my garden now...

2008-04-23T04:54:00.000-07:00

hairy allium
irises
weeping pussy willow
firecracker flowers
echinacea
roses
lots of varieties of tulips
giant purple allium

When I get old, I want to be like Edith

2008-04-16T17:09:00.000-07:00

My friend Edith lives in our neighborhood and attends church with us. She is also the grandmother-in-law of a good friend.

Edith is in her nineties (I think). I see her walking through the neighborhood on nice days, clutching her cane, slightly stooped but still brisk and bright-eyed. If it is winter, she will probably be wearing a beautifully knitted shawl and jaunty little beret.

In our bible study (where Edith is the oldest participant, though most of the other members are near or past retirement) she carefully chooses a seat near the leader and watches each of us intently as we speak- her hearing is just not what it used to be. Sometimes she has to ask the person next to her to repeat our words for her. But this does not prevent her from enthusiastically participating in the discussion. Her years of wisdom enrich our conversation, and her open, direct manner prevent her words from becoming pompous.

My favorite ‘Edith moment’ was when we were discussing violence from the perspective of a pacifist. She told the story of becoming violent with a persistent, irritating sin in her life- she opened the screen door and ‘kicked’ her frustrations out!

Jesus junk and the American Christian

2008-04-08T13:54:00.000-07:00

For a variety of reasons, I’ve been thinking lately about people’s perceptions of Christianity, and how Christians display their beliefs. I think it is pretty obvious why the general public (American, in particular) tends to have a low opinion of Christians (it’s pretty much the same reason why I have a low opinion of many Christians- see earlier blog ‘Confessions of a Weird, Christian, Homeschooling Mom’). These ruminations have caused me to examine my external life for outward displays of Christianity.

Between all seven of us Holdens, I think we own two Christian-y t-shirts (David has a skull & crossbones one that he really likes, and I have a dragon one.) We have a few t-shirts of bands that are comprised primarily of Christians, but that’s it in the clothing department.

We have no Christian-y bumper stickers (unless the Pink Nun counts?)

We have no Christian-y wall-plaques, Scriptures, sacred hearts, crucifixes, or calligraphic Christian-y sayings. Zip, nada, nothing.

We DO have a few newsletters from missionaries- one from a friend working to end child sex slavery, one from a nurse in Africa, and one from some hippie-types working with the bohemian crowd in New Orleans. We also have a picture of children we sponsor in India and Bolivia, with some scriptures attached.

We have some posters of Christian cartoons (they are actually really, really, funny- I wouldn’t hang them up, otherwise!) in the upstairs hall.

We also have a plethora of bibles. Seriously. In Stuart’s famous words, ‘we have so many bibles we can’t count them’. I don’t know why this is. Maybe we attract homeless bibles? They make their way here, slowly, painfully; abandoned by their owners, unread, unloved, and find in our home a quiet, peaceful haven where they aren’t read, either, but at least they are off the streets. This gives me hope that one day I’ll find the house where all my missing socks wander off to…

I must now ask why it is we refrain from the typical American display of our faith. There is always the possibility that I am afraid of the stereotypes, afraid of what people might think, afraid of putting myself in a category. But mostly I think it’s because (let’s face it) all that Christian-y stuff is just plain cheesy. Bad artwork, bad puns, shallow beliefs. Maybe I’m picking on people here, but honestly, most of that Jesus junk is just that- junk. Plus I have this sneaking suspicion that a lot of those ‘Christians’ who fill their house, cars, and wardrobes with their statements of faith are trying to make up for a lack of real faith in their hearts. I know, I know, very judgmental of me, hopefully I’m very wrong, but there it is- that’s what I suspect. So for the time being, our bible collection and our lives are going to be the only public displays of our Christianity.

Sedimentary rocks and pudding cakes.

2008-04-03T12:49:00.000-07:00

Yes, it’s a stretch, but it gets the kids interested and makes everyone happier than writing a report on how rocks are made.

I gave the kids the chocolate pudding cake recipe and am sitting in the kitchen offering advice and aid as necessary. Pudding cakes are made by layering a few ingredients, adding boiling water, and then cooking in the crock-pot for a few hours. Sedimentary rocks are made by particles being transported by water or air, then laid down as deposits and glued together by the minerals from warmer water that have cooled down. I can see the correlation…

There are Worms in my Fridge

2008-04-01T11:39:00.000-07:00

But they are supposed to be there…worms for fishing, and worms for our lizard. Safely tucked away in hygienic little cans. Still, it bothers me, the thought of creepy crawly things living in my refrigerator (and occupying valuable real estate, mind you. My fridge is tiny!)

I have been just too busy to write lately, and, honestly, uninspired as well. Spring should be here. It is perceptibly warmer out. But it is still gloomy and chill and my flowers refuse to bloom; they are tall and green and bulging but too frightened by the strange weather to dare to actually blossom. My backyard is covered with bricks which I intend to transform into walkways as soon as the ground is slightly less soggy, and I have several more plants inside that need to be planted, once again, as soon as the ground is slightly less soggy. Life is busy, the children are restless from the storms and clouds, and there are worms in my fridge.

These are the times when I can only shake my head and say- life just isn’t what you expect.

Cities and Thrones and Powers

2008-03-27T04:49:00.000-07:00

-by Rudyard Kipling

Cities and Thrones and Powers,
Stand in Time's eye,
Almost as long as flowers,
Which daily die:
But, as new buds put forth,
To glad new men,
Out of the spent and unconsidered Earth, The Cities rise again.

This season's Daffodil,
She never hears
What change, what chance, what chill,
Cut down last year's:
But with bold countenance,
And knowledge small,
Esteems her seven days' continuance
To be perpetual.

So time that is o'er kind,
To all that be,
Ordains us e'en as blind,
As bold as she:
That in our very death,
And burial sure,
Shadow to shadow, well-persuaded, saith, "See how our works endure!"

Lent, reviewed

2008-03-24T06:01:00.000-07:00

I don’t know that I can actually say that I observed Lent (which is kind of a weird thought to me anyway- I don’t think I’ve ever actually even considered observing Lent), but, if you remember a post from some time ago, I attempted to give up anxieties during the weeks preceding Easter. Now that time is over, and I am considering the success of my endeavor- or, rather, lack thereof.

No, I was not able to forgo worry during that time- not in the least. But it was not a complete waste of effort, because the experience revealed an important fact about myself: the enormous number of anxieties that I possess. Oh, my naïve soul had no idea.

There’s anxiety about my appearance. Anxiety about money (obviously). Numerous anxieties about my children, and numerous more about my husband, and then all the anxieties about my extended family.

There are worries about the house, the mail, the pets, the food, the gas prices (a separate anxiety then money in general), and then all the spiritual anxieties- do I read my bible enough? Do I really have faith? Am I ever going to mature spiritually, or will I be stuck in this rut of confusion and doubt for eternity?

Now, of course, I realize the foolishness of thinking I could shed anxieties as easily as I shed my winter coat as soon as the temperatures rise slightly above freezing. It is more like the shedding of stubborn weight- it takes a whole new lifestyle; changes in my thinking, in my habits, in my daily choices. It is a paradigm shift- from seeing myself as hopelessly battered back and forth by the vagaries of chance, struggling to do my best to maintain some sort of sense and order while protecting myself from the unknown future, to thoroughly accepting and taking comfort in the sovereignty and love of God, who easily moves people and events to bring about the best for my life, despite my own lack of faith and inabilities.

Cast your cares upon Him, for he cares for you.

Rehabbing Blues

2008-03-20T04:52:00.000-07:00

David took the week off work, to spend some time with the family and also work on the house. Unfortunately, he was hit by the flu. But he has persevered through his illness and managed to get a few things done- fixing the downstairs toilet (hallelujah!), finishing (almost) a built-in bookshelf in the girls’ room, and cleaning out the room that is going to be our master bath and which is currently storage for all our unused crap that we have never bothered to sort through. We hope to start work on that final bathroom soon (which means, sometime within the next five years!)

I love living in a rehab. Yes, it does have its frustrations- but any living situation does. And it’s a great excuse for me not keep the house perfectly clean- it’s difficult to dust floorboards when you don’t have any :) But I think the best part of it is the potential. It’s like a fresh sheet of paper, or a new bolt of fabric. We can do whatever we want with our house, if we have the creativity and willingness to devote years of sweat and hard work! It’s a great learning experience too- you really figure out what you can and can’t live without. (When we moved in, we had only a few windows, no countertops, only one finished floor, no walls, no doors except on the one bathroom, etc. etc.)

But I do have to be honest here- will we ever do this again? Probably not! We would like to spend our time and money on something other than ‘the rehab’!

Broken Routine

2008-03-14T13:12:00.000-07:00

For a variety of reasons, today did not follow the scheduled plans, and so I am lost and confused. I find that I am very dependent on my routine, or at least my plans. When they are changed I lose my sense of direction- I don’t know what to do, or when, and nothing gets accomplished (even important things) and I don’t know what to do with the children and feel like my day has been wasted.

It is good, though, because so much of my life is hinged upon accomplishing tasks, following my neat little schedule, and protecting myself from feeling useless or unprepared. These unfocused days shake that up a bit: I find myself wondering what really is important; why do I do the things I normally do; what is the purpose behind it all anyway? My usual routine guides me through my days without having to address these perplexing questions.

But I anxiously await the normalcy of tonight’s scheduled events…

Yesterday...

2008-03-12T06:20:00.000-07:00

….I’m not half the man I used to be (thankfully, since I’m a woman.)

Have I mentioned that I hate the Beatles? Well, anyway…

The girls spent the day with my mother yesterday, so the boys and I played hooky and had fun. Hardware store (for Stuart), pet store (for Malachi), grocery store (ok, that was just an errand we threw in. No one likes going to the grocery store!) and then the Loop, where we had snacks at the Bread Co and walked around a bit. It was a lot of fun to be with just the boys. Malachi was giddy with all the excitement. And the nicest thing about not having the toddler around is that I can go to the bathroom all by myself! Usually potty trips are such a huge ordeal.

The boys rounded off their fun day with ice cream at Crown Candy Kitchen and Star Wars before bedtime. I drank tea, researched our next road trip, and continued my plodding thru the Lord of the Rings. Since this is about the sixth time I’ve read it I feel no rush to get to the next chapter.

Note- never eat White Castle and Crown Candy Kitchen on the same day. No need for details, just trust me on this one! In fact, you should probably just never eat White Castle at all.

Today we will go to my bible study in the morning, then the Botanical Gardens. That trip is my fun choice, since we did all the boys’ fun stuff yesterday. The Gardens are my favorite spot in St. Louis (possibly in the world, though the rain forest and Old Jerusalem vie for first place as well. Oh, and New Orleans is pretty high up there, too.) David will pick up the girls on his way home from work tonight and our vacation will be over :)

Housework Deficit Disorder

2008-03-10T07:17:00.000-07:00

This is a malady that affects an unknown number of men and children worldwide. Typical symptoms include, but are not limited to:

Statements such as, “But I already do so much housework!” and “What housework? Where?”
Walking around large piles of objects on the floor without stopping to pick them up, put them away, or so forth
Complete oblivion and ingratitude to the amount of housework that the other members of the household manage to finish (while sick, tired, and already occupied with numerous other tasks)
Incessantly adding to the workload of the other members of the household because, of course, they have nothing better to do
Never finishing (or even remembering) the few tasks assigned to them, unless repeatedly reminded and/or nagged.

The only known cure is a good smack over the head with a frying pan.

Miracle Socks

2008-03-03T09:56:00.000-08:00

Another busy weekend. Another extreme weather pattern. It’s déjà vu all over again.

Today, I want to discuss my socks. For years I’ve struggled with the 'sock issue'. I buy a pack of cheap Wal-mart socks. They get holes, they disappear, they end up in my drawer mismatched and unusable (Ok, I confess to frequently wearing mismatched socks. Most of the world doesn’t even possess socks, so how can I complain that mine don’t match?) I buy another pack of cheap socks. Same story. So I buy a pack of expensive socks.

SAME FREAKING STORY.

That’s when I get really irritated. Hey, I can understand- you get what you pay for. So when my cheap socks get holey and lost, no big deal. But when the pricey socks decide to run off to Greenland on a weekend jaunt (along with all our good pens and important legal documents) while developing holes and matching up with a slightly lighter shade of black, I feel burned.

Finally, I took the plunge, and purchased three pairs of ugly, thick, expensive wool socks at Sam’s. And oh, do I love them! My feet are finally warm. After several washings, the socks are still hole-free. And best of all, they are impervious to water. Drip a bit of dishwater on my feet? In the old days, I’d have to immediately run upstairs and quickly change out of the squishy socks. Now, my nice wool socks simply sop up the bit of water and keep my feet cozy and dry. I even walked across a dusting of snow on our sidewalk so I could spread salt for our mail lady- it was just like a commercial. My feet didn't feel a thing.

Now you may be thinking- all this is true, but how can she put up with wearing such ugly socks? Where is her sense of fashion? (I have been wondering the same thing since I was about five. Just one of those little things I was not inherently endowed with.) So my answer to you is-

Walk a mile in my socks.

blessings

2008-02-26T04:56:00.000-08:00

I feel happy. Though it is cold, wet and dreary right now, I know that Spring is just around the corner. And though this year I will not be able to spend a lot of money on buying flowers for our garden, I can plan for the autumn (when plants are cheaper) and I can work on the garden areas I already have.

So this last weekend was insanely busy, and I was uptight going into it, worried about all the details, all the kids, all the work. But God was faithful and provided not only the time and energy, but also quite a bit of fun. The youth group room- too long neglected- was cleaned and reorganized. David took care of a bunch of things for his dad’s business, since his dad was sick all last week. The kids’ puppet show was cancelled so we didn’t have to race from one activity to another on Sunday but actually had two whole hours at home, together, as a family (well, technically I was working most of that time, washing dishes, etc., but nonetheless, we were home rather than wandering around town). And today, Monday, despite having to recuperate from a busy weekend AND having several guests, we managed to accomplish quite a bit of schoolwork and conquer the typical Monday chaos.

We are blessed.

The 'Up'-Side of Motherhood

2008-02-22T11:14:00.000-08:00

It’s difficult, sometimes, to really enjoy my children. The distractions of housework, teaching, and discipline can overshadow- even replace- the more important aspects of motherhood: loving and relating to these people who drive me nuts on a daily basis. Some of our more poignant moments…

India singing “O bess da yord, and sing his gory, and tew of aw, da marbles he has done.” (the best part is when she hits the high note ‘aw’)

Malachi and Anastasia being totally impressed and amazed by the removal of a spring-form pan. (for those non-bakers out there, a spring-form pan is what you use to make a cheesecake. It is pretty nifty.)

Stuart finding a miniature candy cane in his pocket, and cutting it into four tiny pieces so he could share with his siblings, even though they weren't around to ask.

India’s entire bedtime routine. Running like mad to her bed, covering herself up, and calling out “Come find me!” (she hides in the same place every night J ) Then we have to pray, kiss each cheek, and receive a kiss. That’s a total of six kisses for one kid going to bed! Recently she announced she wasn't going to hide anymore...aw....

Anastasia declaring “That’s just wrong!” at a picture in Malachi’s arthropod book (two bugs mating…I’d have to agree…)

When told that someone lived in India, India looked up and said, “He’s in my belly?!”

The kids were discussing where they wanted to live. I said the Mediterranean. Stuart said France. Anastasia said Puerto Rico. Malachi said Maplewood… Maplewood? Well, why not?

Stuart planning his birthday party…eight months in advance…I refused to let him mail out invitations!

Popularity

2008-02-21T05:01:00.000-08:00

Wow, I need to go off on things more often. That was my most popular blog post ever.
Well, I'm off to join facebook....

Maybe if Someone offered me a Million Dollars!

2008-02-19T10:18:00.000-08:00

It’s my afternoon coffee break time. The kids are doing reading and art, which is self-supervising, so I have time to relax for a few minutes.

So, this ‘facebook’ phenomenon… what can I say? It’s like high school all over again- popularity contests (who has the most friends? and are those really friends? Does any American teen really know what a friend is? Certainly not someone you merely add to a long list of other acquaintances on your on-line social networking site!), cliques, (aka ‘groups’), pointless conversations, rudeness, and, worst of all, a bunch of adults pretending they are ‘with it’ because they, too, are on facebook.

How lame.

Despite much pressure put on me by various and sundry people to sign-up, I refuse to participate. It’s just another fad that everyone will look back on in twenty years and say “Oh, I remember facebook! We thought it was so cool! Hah, were we stupid or what?” Except for me. I will be wallowing in my superiority, gloating that I never fell for the scam, that I remained aloof from the whole social networking thing and proved my cool-ness by rising above such tripe. Never, in a million years, will I sink to such middle-class American, mainstream, self-centered twaddle.

So, um, is it fun?

My favorite foreign films

2008-02-18T10:25:00.000-08:00

Life Is Beautiful (Italian)
Kung Fu Hustle (Chinese)
Run, Lola, Run (German)
Monsoon Wedding (India)
Pan's Labrynth (Spanish)
Il Postino (Italian)
The Host (Korean)
Mostly Martha (German)

More about school

2008-02-14T13:51:00.000-08:00

It’s easier for me to blog about school now, as we are in the midst of a week off. I actually have time to think, to sew, to clean, and to bake- not that I’ve done any of that stuff. Mostly I’ve read. Heck, I need some time off, too. So this week I’ve read two of the boys’ books for their book club, started a manga series (Full-Metal Alchemist, in case you were wondering. I’ve heard so much about it I want to read it for myself) finished re-reading the Hobbit for about the fifth time and started the LOTR for about the sixth time. That one I sip slowly in between the other, less intense fiction. I’m actually able to enjoy the story again- I’ve almost recovered from Peter Jackson mangling it on the big screen. (Oh, the Ents! Oh, Aragorn and Arwen! Oh, the scouring of the Shire! Ack, I need to go recuperate…)

That’s right, this post was supposed to be about school, not my reading habits. Sorry. As I mentioned in a previous post (I think) I am somewhat taking this year ‘lite’. It seems to be working beautifully. We have been hammering on the basics, and the boys are well on their way to memorizing the multiplication table while Anastasia is working on addition/subtraction up to the tens. The biggest encouragement to me has been Stuart’s spelling. Because he is so painfully left-brained, English spelling is simply torture for Stuart. Just when he masters a rule, he finds ten different exceptions. We have tried several different curriculums, spelling tests, games, rote memorization, etc., and the poor child has struggled to no avail- until this year. Suddenly it all seems to click for him. Now when he writes something, a good portion of the words- even some of the challenging ones- are correctly spelled. I feel that’s it a miracle- mostly that I was brave enough to stop fussing at him, and trust that he would learn it at his own speed. Gee, I’ve been spewing unschool philosophy for years, and now that I’m actually giving it a try, I find it works. What a surprise!

Confessions of a Weird, Christian, Homeschooling Mother

2008-02-13T14:09:00.000-08:00

Today was our homeschool class with the Disapproving Christian Mothers (see earlier blog, ‘Am I Really That Weird?’). I intentionally wore a t-shirt sporting a drug reference, just to see if I could irritate them further. I mean, if my very presence is annoying, I might as well and really piss them off thoroughly. Really, it’s for their own good, I’m just trying to push them over the edge so maybe they repent of their snobbiness and are actually obedient to Christ’s command to love your neighbor, even the weird ones (that last part is my own addition, but I think it can be safely extrapolated from general biblical teachings.) Unfortunately, I don't think anyone caught the 'Feed Your Head' scrawled underneath Alice and the hookah-smoking caterpillar. Sucks.

Anyway.

We’re having a week off school. I do four weeks on, one week off, with a different ‘theme’ each four weeks. This last month we focused on spelling and math. Now we’re going to switch to geography and art, while still working on some grammar and math review and, of course, reading. I always struggle with the feeling that ‘I’m not doing enough!’ and attempt to force-feed too much information into my poor children’s heads. I have to continually remind myself: they are smart, they are learning, and they are children! I also have to admit that a good portion of my anxiety about their learning stems from my own temptation to show-off how smart my kids are. Eek, how despicable. Our hearts are so black….