David says I need to update. And, as a good wife, I will of course obey my husband (snicker).
I am nervous about starting school this year. I think a lot of things play into my nervousness: all 4 (four!) of the kids will technically be of school-age, so there will be a lot of attention-juggling. I will be using a couple different curriculums than I’ve used in the past, so that’s another stress, and we are SO SO busy- yet another stress.
But mostly I think my nervousness is due to that perpetual feeling of inadequacy that seems to dominate my role as mother/teacher. Objectively, I know that my kids are smart (or at least smart-asses), they are maturing well, they are learning, they have friends, blah blah blah. But emotionally I face continual questions: Are we doing enough? Am I too easy on them? Too hard? Too bitchy? Am I spoiling them? (yes; they think Grandma making them put ice in their warm sodas is pure abuse).
Each year I strive for change, and each year I feel like I end up in the same pattern of disorganization and laziness- I don’t give the kids enough review work. I don’t test them enough (ok, I don’t test them at all). They complain too much about their assignments. I don’t follow through on things. School is boring, when it could be so much more interesting. I should just unschool. Heck, I should enroll them all in a 'real' school. A boarding school, that is, in Switzerland, where they don’t take crap off nobody.
I find in situations like this that the best thing to do is move forward, plan in one hand and credit card in the other, buy what I need to buy, plan what I need to plan, and remember to roll with the punches rather than trying to perfectly anticipate every trial the year will bring. Most of my problems come from being too uptight and needing too much control. The children will learn & grow; I’ll survive; we’ll have good days and bad days; and another year will pass.
And on days where I have no hope at all... I’ll brew another pot of coffee and cancel school in favor of a good book. Hmmm... makes me wish for a lot of bad days....
4 comments:
I've been learning a lot about my anxiety recently. I have always applied the Mttw 6:18 verse to material things. But, this summer has begun (!!!) to teach me that for me, anxiety is not knowing or controlling the future. Just trusting that the Lord is sovereign and that he cares infinitely for the mundane details of our lives. Take courage, he acres about your homeschooling woes, too! :)
Seriously! Thanks. I have been for the last couple years as well realizing that God provides all my needs, and that means all, not just material. What I need, he provides. If I don't get it, it's because I don't need it!
Hmmm...are coffee days like snow days, are you allowed so many a year or just as is demanded? And how much sould be demanded? I could get into that....:)
Well, homeschoolers don't get genuine snow days (though we do go sledding when it snows a lot), so I think substituting coffee days for snow days would indeed work. And who needs restrictions on the number of days we get 'off'?
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