winter is defeating me

I am tired, depressed, hopeless and apathetic. Winter is once again defeating me. The short days and freezing temperatures wear me to the bone (unfortunately, not literally. Actually the whole season makes me turn to food for comfort. Another depressing aspect of winter). I am unreasonably grumpy most of the time. I feel trapped inside the house but can’t stand the arctic blast that hits me every time I open the door.

But I feel the first stirrings of hope…dinnertime is not completely dark anymore. A few rays of sunshine still linger on the fringes of the western sky, and each day they last a bit longer. In just six short weeks the bulbs in our garden will begin to push their way out through the frigid soil. I have already bought a weeping pussy willow, which is currently sitting on the cabinet by my kitchen window, waiting to be planted as soon as Spring is finally here. And I am planning the rest of our backyard garden; peonies and roses and maybe even a Japanese maple…a brick path, perhaps, if I work up the courage to attempt it…

Winter may be beating me now, but I know I’ll survive it again this year. However, I think retiring on the Mediterranean is definitely in my future!

Lilith, by George MacDonald

A couple quotes from the book that stand out to me:

"A long time we were together, I and the moon, walking side by side, she the dull shine, and I the live shadow."

"Ere I reached the house of death, the cold was bitter and the darkness dense; and the cold and the darkness were one, and entered into my bones together. But the candle of Eve, shining from the window, guided me, and kept both frost and murk from my heart."

one of those days...

It’s been one of those days where I feel sorely tempted to enroll all the children in school (or preschool, in India’s case) and go out and get a job. Oh, nothing too bad has happened- nothing broken, no one injured- just the usual struggles of getting everyone to pay attention, dealing with all the small squabbles, and wrangling with a three-year old.

I guess this is where ‘commitment’ really means something. It’s easy to be committed to homeschooling when the kids all are interested and well-behaved and brilliant (those days are golden and few and far between!) But these are the days where I really have to stop myself and say, “Remember why I’m doing this.”

Hmm…why am I doing this?

Well, I love my kids. Duh, right? I’m not suggesting that only homeschooling families love their kids, but for me, I homeschool because I love my kids. I think it is the best way for them to grow up as whole people, without facing the unnecessary pressures and confusion that accompanies almost every school situation. I think homeschooling allows the children to experience a broader slice of life than if they were in a manufactured school environment (no matter how well-manufactured that environment might be.) Of course, I am biased, being a bit anti-establishment and very pro-uniqueness, if that makes sense. So I struggle through these days, with much grace from God, and remember (as Mr. Wyllie pointed out just last evening) that thankfully, I know there are better days ahead!

We bought a Brand New Car today

The stork is bringing it from Car Heaven, and it should be here in a couple/few weeks.

Buying a car is something we have been considering for almost a year now. We’ve been pretty fickle about it, and it was good to just bite the bullet and do it. My struggle has been (as always) the hatred of spending money. But we have gone four years on one vehicle, and would like to make that vehicle last a few more years, rather than continuing to pile on the mileage. So we got a little Yaris for David to scoot back and forth to work, and I’ll have the van (another Toyota product) for me to be a ‘soccer mom’. (Actually, it’s more like a ‘library, zoo, gardens, and various homeschool activities mom’.)

We love Toyotas, btw, and hardly even considered anything else. Our Sienna has almost 100,000 miles and so far we’ve had one major repair. Wow. We keep the oil changed, bought new tires, and that’s about it. We do need to take it in for new belts, since those are supposed to be changed at the 90,000 mile mark, but other than that…it’s impressive.

Anyway, we’re financing the little blue wonder, which also makes me shudder, since debt stresses me out. But, well, that’s life. Gotta pay for our pleasures.

Truly Juvenile Fiction

The boys have been reading the Harry Potter books and keep asking me questions about details I don’t remember (which would be most of the storyline and characters, actually). So I’ve spent the week re-reading the series, and just finished up Book 6. Can’t wait to finish it up; I want to move on to better reading. Yes, I make no bones about the fact that I don’t like HP; I think they’re entertaining, somewhat creative, and that’s about it. I’m picky about my fantasy and want something more engaging than a bunch of typical teenagers living out typical teenager lives in a world of wizardry, Dark Lord thrown in to give the whole thing some sort of point. Which is…love conquers all? Prejudice is bad? Good always triumphs? Alan Rickman rocks?
BTW, I always knew- from book 1 through book 7- that Snape was a good guy. And if he wasn’t, I was ready to throw in my lot with the Death Eaters, since he was my favorite character and I wanted to be on whatever side he was on.
Other Characters I Like:

Hermione and the Whole Weasley Crew
Professor McGonagell
Luna and Neville
Tonks & Lupin
Mad-Eye Moody
Shacklebolt
Peeves and Nearly-headless Nick
Grawp
Aragog

Main Characters I Detest:

Harry Potter (I’m sorry, I just never sympathized, etc.)
Sirius
Hagrid
Dumbledore

Characters who are too flat to feel anything about:

Filch
Voldemort
The Malfoy Clan
Crabbe and Goyle
The Dursleys

Adios, SuperMother. Hola, SlackerMom!

I’ve always felt guilty for taking breaks during the day. I think a part of me felt that I needed to ‘prove’ to all those people out there that a stay-at-home mom worked hard. I wouldn’t allow myself one second to goof off or relax. Needless to say, I was exhausted (and cranky) by the end of the day.

I know that there are moms (and dads) who are slackers, moaning and complaining that the housework conflicts with their soap opera schedule and making their spouse support them and do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. But I think most of us parents fall on the other end of the spectrum- trying to get everything ‘done’ at the expense of our sanity.

Balance, people, balance.

My workday starts at 5:30 a.m. and usually doesn’t end until 8 p.m., and the time I take to read my bible, surf the web or play Atari is not even truly restful, as I always have to be available for the various ‘emergencies’ that inevitably occur as soon as I sit down. So I no longer feel the need to be SuperMother and vindicate housewifery across the globe- at this point, survival will be enough of an accomplishment!

"Why Intelligent Design Fails", by various scientists

I picked up this book at the library to see if it would challenge my thinking and maybe help me better understand the reasoning of secular scientists. The book has several valid arguments against the concept of ‘intelligent design', including bits about probability and the simplicity of one-celled organisms. However, there were a few points in the book that I cannot resist poking fun at. Of course, not being a trained scientist from a prestigious university, I cannot understand any of this on my own and should just follow the teachings of the majority of qualified scientists, who obviously know better. Ahem.

This is shamelessly paraphrased, biased, and otherwise irreverent.

1. ‘Dogs and cats share certain characteristics. Therefore, they must have a common ancestor.’

WTF? Oh, yea, that’s real good science, that is. What ever happened to verifiable and repeatable? That’s right, I learned that in junior high, so therefore it doesn’t apply to real science.

2. ‘Death is equilibrium’. Death brings balance to the force, I guess. So is genocide just equilibrium on a large scale? Since mankind is a random accident, and morals grew out of necessity, the majority of secular scientists would have to admit mass murder is simply survival of the fittest. Should I believe them on this point to, or is now a good time to insert my religion?

3. ‘Blueprints require a designer, but recipes don’t, so cells follow recipes, not blueprints.’ This statement is a summary from a couple pages of writing. Obviously, these men don’t cook.

4. Wasp nests are built through a ‘dumb process’ (exact quote) and do not prove that someone designed wasps to build nests, because, you know, not all wasp nests are perfect, and um, yea. They’re just a bunch of dumb animals getting together and not knowing exactly what they’re doing and a wasp nest just happens to emerge…wow, I wish I was that dumb…

5 Nature is ‘self-organized’. Which means my children are just un-natural. Yes, yes, through a naturalistic process, a hurricane organizes itself and promptly wreaks havoc on the rest of nature. Ants organize themselves, as does DNA and the congress. This therefore proves that God is not necessary. Nice leap of logic. I would almost call it ‘faith’.

And my personal favorite….

6. ‘Evolution erases evidence of itself’. That explains why there is no evidence for it, of course. Oh, oh, but the fossil record! How could we forget that? ‘With a few bones and a good theory, we can prove anything!’ Again, somewhat paraphrased, but that’s the basic premise behind the ‘proof’ that dinosaurs evolved into birds.

I’m not making this stuff up, folks. Remember, I don’t have a degree, so I’m not allowed to!